Are you one of those people that always has to make everyone happy even when you hurt yourself at times? You can’t stand seeing others sad so you give anything it takes to make them happy? It is a great thing that you have a big heart and you want to take care of others but there always needs to be a balance. If you are always giving, in time you have nothing left for yourself. In this process you lose yourself and if you lose yourself then how can anyone who cares about you truly be happy. Making you happy first needs to be priority and those who truly care for you will understand. When they don’t is when you need to be stepping back and evaluating things. Are they that unhappy or are they just selfish?
Have you ever really thought about what a “doormat” is used for? It is a mat placed in an entryway, on which people can wipe their feet on upon entering. when it comes to people however, this term is also used in regards to submissive people who allow others to dominate them. They allow others to walk on them as though they were laid on the ground for others to wipe their feet on. This is not any way to live or be treated. We all have value and worth. To be walked on as though you don’t matter is never a healthy feeling. All too often these people become “doormats” as a result of low self-esteem or trauma in their lives. They believe that they don’t deserve to be treated better. Or they feel it is the only way people will love them. Love yourself and never allow others to treat as though your life isn’t equal to theirs. Take control and demand equal respect from those around you. We each have our purpose on this earth and to be used as a human doormat is not your purpose. Stand tall and be strong. Demand what you truly deserve and never let another person treat you any differently. If someone needs something to walk on, tell them they can buy a DOORMAT at the local hardware store.
I made a huge break through the other day in my healing. I acknowledged a weakness in myself that I believe is going to help me to truly let go of a little more of my past. I have a pattern of allowing people in my life that control me through manipulation. It is typically people who are insecure with themselves and they find by tearing down my self-confidence they gain power over me, hence in return “holding me down”. I realized this is a metaphor for my past and the way I have programmed myself to survive. This I have realized is all tied back to my rape and the act of being physically “held down” during it. I see that I have learned to accept this behavior out of habit. By now acknowledging this about myself, I truly believe this is the next step I need to continue this path of healing that I am on. I refuse to allow myself to be “held down” by others any longer. I know my worth and I know that I have much to share with this world. I will no longer allow the weakness of others to become my weakness. It is an amazing feeling, when you can start to see things in your life clearly and be able to learn the lessons of our past instead of allowing them to HOLD US DOWN!!
Take a minute and look at yourself in the mirror. What feature do you see first? Do you see the good or bad first? Typically on average people will zero in on the things they don’t like about themselves first thing. If this is you, I want you to try something. Before you walk to the mirror think of the parts of yourself that you do like about yourself and tell yourself to focus on that part of you only. Don’t look at any other feature. Now acknowledge what it is about the feature that you are comfortable with. Now you have to think of another feature that you either like or just don’t dislike. Focus immediately on that feature. Repeat the cycle of telling yourself what it is you do like. Now I want you to think of the feature you hate the most about yourself. Go ahead, be real now. What feature do you have that you just hate? Now I want you to stare at that body part. Stare hard at it. Is there anything you can do to change that feature? Anything at all in your immediate power to make it better. I am guessing the answer is no or you would have already done something about it, right? Well I want you to remind yourself that we all have flaws and parts of us we can not change and that we do not like but there are also parts that we do. It is the great balance of life. Accept that you are unique and even your flaws are a gift because they make you different from someone else and that is a positive. If you can’t change it, Embrace it! Every part of you makes you the wonderful person you are and you have to love yourself for all that you are not just pieces of yourself. This will not change overnight but I want you to keep working on this every day. I tell you that you will start to see a difference in how you see yourself in time once you start accepting every part of you for being special to you!
I have a serious question for you. Can you be bought? What amount of money would you sell your soul for? If you honestly have an amount that you were able to come up with, I am very sorry for you. Say No to Greed! There truly is no amount of money that can buy you absolutely everything you could want! Once you received the amount you think would suffice, would only want more. Are you willing to give up family and friends for money? Can money buy those things for you? True Family and Friends that is? I have given up a lot over the years just so that I could keep my own self-worth intact. There is no amount of money in this world that would tempt me to sell myself. I would rather have nothing and have my true family and friends and keep my integrity than to sell myself and be lost. Greed is a horrible negative so be sure you are saying, “No To Greed!”
When money gets mistaken for love we really need to adjust our mindset! Money is great to pay the bills and buy material items but when we think it is more important than our self-respect we have to sit back and adjust our value in ourselves! If we start thinking money equals security even we are lost as well! How much are each of us worth? Are diamonds and furs truly important? Can we take them with us when we die? Will people remember us for them? If those people are only focused on that are they going to be there if that money were to suddenly be gone? With that said make sure we need to be focused on making memories and sharing ourself with those who love us and don’t honestly give a shit about how much we are financially worth but how we make them feel just being in our life! We can’t get love from a piece of paper or plastic! They don’t give hugs and can’t tell us they love us when we are just in need of that!
Do you ever get to points in your life where you feel all you have done until that point was only to prepare you for your future? Some of the people that were in your life were only there to strengthen you and show you what you didn’t want to be. We all have to learn to open our eyes and see those around us for who they are meant to be in our lives. Never feel that just because you are family or have been friends since you were children or your kids are friends with their kids that you “have” to keep those people in your life. If someone is toxic or only brings negative energy you have the right to remove them from your life with or without cause or explanation. Maybe these people surround themselves with others that are toxic and they choose to be around those people. If you feel that they bring that energy into your world via transference, you are perfectly in your right to walk away. We all have one life to live and we may regret some choices we make in a moment but we have to take risks at times to ensure a positive future. Without risk there is no reward. Be comfortable deleting the negative energy from your life in order for you to truly release yourself and make room for the amazing life you were meant to live.