I have noticed more and more, lately how many people tend to live in secrecy due to the fear of showing their true desires, addictions or even their feelings for fear of hurting others.  We tend to justify the lies and deceit by saying that it is out of love and affection for the others in our lives.  I wonder how much of that is true and how much of it is because we just don’t want to face the truth that we are just plain selfish and we want it all.  I have spoken to many people that are living double lives, especially online.  Many people living a fantasy life while putting on the happy face at home and put on the facade that everything is perfect and they are happy.  Is this fair to anyone involved? These people are not being true to themselves or those involved with them.

We say we tell these “little white lies” to protect others that are happy with things the way they are, but are they truly happy?  They are being deceived and manipulated.  They are often being put into a situation they are not going to want to deal with the consequences of if the truth comes out and they don’t even know.  What right does one person have to make that decision for another person?

Let me use the example of someone who is married and has an addiction to cyber-fantasy. They live a very conservative real world life but are not sexually satisfied by their partner.  They find that they receive sexual gratification online and that it would only hurt their partner by being honest with them since their partner is very happy with their life together.  Now let’s say the unsatisfied partner decides to start interacting with people online and making choices that if found out could completely devastate the other partner and their way of life.  Is it fair of this unsatisfied partner to make this decision for them both?  I am constantly amazed by the choices people make online because they don’t have to immediately answer to the consequences of their actions and they justify it because they are not physically doing anything with the other people. I agree they are not physically doing anything wrong but if you know that your partner, family or your friends are going to possibly be hurt if this information is found out is it fair for you to take that chance with all those people’s lives?

I, myself, have had times in my life that I felt that keeping my wants and needs to myself to protect others, was the only option. You tend to truly lose yourself and can become very lost.  The longer you hide your true self, the more damage is done to you and to those around you. When you finally can’t take it anymore and you are either found out or your just can’t do it anymore.  You then are not only hurting those you were trying to protect by being honest but when they find out that you were deceiving them all that time you break their trust and cause those involved to question everything you have ever told them.

If you know you have a problem and you need help or just aren’t being satisfied in your life the best advice I can give is get the help you need to have the strength to confront your inner demons and find a way to stop living in secrecy. Be true to yourself and accept yourself as you are so that those around you will be able to accept you as well.  If you don’t like yourself, you are right neither are those around you.  If you believe your wants and desires are bad or even a little insane, then maybe instead of hiding and doing these things in secrecy get the professional help you need to get to the root of the problem and face yourself.