Even in a healthy loving relationship there can be moments of weakness. The important thing is open communication between one another. When I say “open communication” I mean, OPEN!! Each of you have to feel safe talking to one another about any thoughts you many have. Often in relationships one partner or the other considers cheating because over time their likes and needs change and they worry if they tell their partner they won’t accept it. Insecurities are a strong emotion and it can hurt a relationship without either partner knowing the other is dealing with it. If we truly love and accept one another we should be open to each others fantasies as well. Make sure your partner knows that you love them and you won’t judge them. I recommend that you open the communication that allows each other to feel they can voice your individual fantasies as though you were cheating with your partner. Talk openly with them as if they were a stranger at times and you are telling them things they never knew. Strangely at times it is the excitement that is needed in someone. If you role play and act as though you are dating for the very first time and that you have to keep it quiet or your partner (who is actually this person of course) will find out. Often people cheat only because they want to feel that excitement of a new relationship or to have someone to just listen to them and give them undivided attention so the feel heard. You may not agree with this thought process but from my experience with married people online, the two common things I hear is that they aren’t connected sexually with their partner (male and female) and that they just can’t communicate and tell them the fantasies they have for fear of them not understanding. As I said, Cheat with your Partner and allow them to tell you their inner fantasies no matter how intense. If you two can’t discuss these things and come to a common agreement how can you have passion and true connection. Get out there and Cheat With Your Partner and Be each other’s fantasies!
When you are in a relationship and you trust your partner but want to spice things up a bit, you have got to discuss the option of role play with your partner. The level of role play you take on is totally up to the two of you. It must be understood and agreed upon up front that the detail of this time is never to be discussed with anyone but the two of you. This is how trust is built and how freedom is established. Role Play can be used as a way to enhance the intimacy and explore each other’s inner fantasies. It is a time where each of you can find out the thoughts that pass through each other’s minds. Now this means that as women you have to be understanding and accepting of the ideas, but it does not mean you have to participate if you are not both comfortable. The lines of communication must be opened first. You should each sit down together and talk about your basic fantasies to start off with. These are the things you try first to start to build the trust and open the lines of communication. As you both get more and more comfortable you can start to get a little more adventurous, but remember it has to be something that you are both comfortable with before you try it. It has to be a time to bond and explore not just fulfill the other partner’s fantasy. Especially in the beginning. You need to agree and then gradually expand together as you are both comfortable and confident. Role Play is a great tool to use when you get to a point in your relationship when you are taking each other for granted or not taking the time for one another. You can plan a date night to start off with and meet one another at a restaurant, a bar, a park, etc. and meet there as though it is the first meeting and flirt and pick each other up. Make it exciting. Fuel that fire that you should have inside of you, no matter how deep. If you don’t have that you will have to build it. A healthy relationship has fire and passion. Don’t take one another for granted and make sure you tell one another regularly what it is that draws you to them. A person needs to hear the good things and by role playing you are able to show one another what you want and make it fun.
Do you ever wonder why people cheat? I have noticed in the past couple years that more people consider cheating than I ever realized. There are many reason why I believe people take the leap from fantasizing about being with another person to actually crossing the line and engaging in intimacy with another person other than their significant other. I will not justify the actually crossing of this line but I will only acknowledge that I can at time understand why someone would even consider it.
One primary reason I have heard from men is that it is against Human nature for a man to be monogamous. Men are made to spread to procreate I am told. They were never meant to be with only one woman. I am not sure I buy into this but I do understand that it is easy to get bored in a relationship if is allowed to smolder and not fanned to keep the fire burning.
Another reason I hear is the one I have spoken of in previous posts. There often becomes a time in a relationship that one partner or the other decides to withhold sex as punishment from their significant other. This happens with both sexes but I see women withholding much more often than men. I will admit there was a time in my life where I thought I understood this method, but all this does is deprive both parties. Sex is a great way to relieve stress and build intimacy between two people. During those times where you would think you might hold back should really be the time where you insist on it. It creates a bond, releases stress, and boosts the confidence of both parties.
Yet another reason I have notice is the loss of attraction for one another. This I firmly believe happens primarily because of a lack of communication between the two parties. If one person loses the spark for the other they need to be able to discuss this with the other so that they may work together to determine how they can rekindle that spark. If the person just keeps this to them self in fear of hurting the other’s feelings and they chose to just go out and find the spark elsewhere, in the end don’t they end up hurting them both?
If a relationship is going to last both partners need to be willing to work together to be each other’s fantasy. You both have your daily lives and have work and children possibly to manage but you have to also remember to take time for each other to communicate what is missing and what is also working in your intimacy. If one partner is in need for spice then role play is a great way to give them a taste of that without having to have them go out searching for it. You need to be each other’s fantasies in the bedroom. Men, this does not only go for your women. If you expect your woman to be your fantasy you need to take the time to find out exactly what it is she fantasizes about as well. Instead of searching outside your partnership, create the fantasy inside it and “cheat” with each other from time to time. Enjoy each other.
I have noticed more and more, lately how many people tend to live in secrecy due to the fear of showing their true desires, addictions or even their feelings for fear of hurting others. We tend to justify the lies and deceit by saying that it is out of love and affection for the others in our lives. I wonder how much of that is true and how much of it is because we just don’t want to face the truth that we are just plain selfish and we want it all. I have spoken to many people that are living double lives, especially online. Many people living a fantasy life while putting on the happy face at home and put on the facade that everything is perfect and they are happy. Is this fair to anyone involved? These people are not being true to themselves or those involved with them.
We say we tell these “little white lies” to protect others that are happy with things the way they are, but are they truly happy? They are being deceived and manipulated. They are often being put into a situation they are not going to want to deal with the consequences of if the truth comes out and they don’t even know. What right does one person have to make that decision for another person?
Let me use the example of someone who is married and has an addiction to cyber-fantasy. They live a very conservative real world life but are not sexually satisfied by their partner. They find that they receive sexual gratification online and that it would only hurt their partner by being honest with them since their partner is very happy with their life together. Now let’s say the unsatisfied partner decides to start interacting with people online and making choices that if found out could completely devastate the other partner and their way of life. Is it fair of this unsatisfied partner to make this decision for them both? I am constantly amazed by the choices people make online because they don’t have to immediately answer to the consequences of their actions and they justify it because they are not physically doing anything with the other people. I agree they are not physically doing anything wrong but if you know that your partner, family or your friends are going to possibly be hurt if this information is found out is it fair for you to take that chance with all those people’s lives?
I, myself, have had times in my life that I felt that keeping my wants and needs to myself to protect others, was the only option. You tend to truly lose yourself and can become very lost. The longer you hide your true self, the more damage is done to you and to those around you. When you finally can’t take it anymore and you are either found out or your just can’t do it anymore. You then are not only hurting those you were trying to protect by being honest but when they find out that you were deceiving them all that time you break their trust and cause those involved to question everything you have ever told them.
If you know you have a problem and you need help or just aren’t being satisfied in your life the best advice I can give is get the help you need to have the strength to confront your inner demons and find a way to stop living in secrecy. Be true to yourself and accept yourself as you are so that those around you will be able to accept you as well. If you don’t like yourself, you are right neither are those around you. If you believe your wants and desires are bad or even a little insane, then maybe instead of hiding and doing these things in secrecy get the professional help you need to get to the root of the problem and face yourself.
Here goes a touchy subject for some people. I have noticed that I tend to get a lot of attention from Married Guys. I believe this is because I love to talk to people and I try not to pass judgment. I have a strict rule that I have no problem talking to them but there will never be anything more than that. My rule is that I don’t mess around with “other people’s property” without their permission. It honestly doesn’t have anything to do with the morality of the act of an affair for me. That is on the person that makes the decision to cheat. My thing is that I feel when you make a commitment to another person then you both agree at that time to “belong” to each other. Now don’t get me wrong this does not mean the other person “owns” the other. This just means that you have agreed that you want to be with that person. Whatever choices the two people make in your relationship with regards to seeing other people, that is between them. If they chose to have an open relationship and allow each other to see other people that is their choice. People have their needs and if they cannot be met with their partner and their partner agrees that they can seek those needs elsewhere, I do not see where it is anyone else’s business to judge that. However, if one of the parties does not communicate these needs and get the others approval to seek them elsewhere this is when it becomes a problem. An open line of communication needs to be constant in any mature relationship. I have seen open relationships work when two people are secure with themselves and don’t get insecure. I truly don’t believe there are many people out there that are that secure with themselves or their partners. If you feel the need to stray be sure you remember the commitment you made and that you do “belong” to that person. You are their property and if you chose to give yourself to another that person is using someone else’s property without their consent so in legal means they would be stealing their property. If you are missing something in your relationship be sure to communicate it. A mature open line of communication will ensure misunderstandings in the end.