Why when trauma happens to us do we continue to carry the burden of these acts for a lifetime? Why can’t we acknowledge these acts as what they are, the past and it can’t be changed? The images continue to pop in our heads, we have horrible nightmares, we shut ourselves off from others, and in the worst cases we take our own lives. Why? Why do we insist on carrying the burden of the past? Sometimes this is because we don’t believe we have another option. Other times is because we don’t speak out for fear of having to relive the acts. Let me tell you from my own personal experience, carrying the burden hurts us worse than the acts did. In most cases it tears us down mentally and then our inner voice tries to fight back and get our attention. Then the bad thoughts start setting in. Regardless of the acts and the trauma, it is very important to give your inner voice an outlet. Stop carrying the burden of the past that you cannot possibly change. Speak out and learn the lessons from the past and make sure it never happens again. Maybe you can even save these acts from happening to others because you were able to make others aware of the possibilities. Fight back and stop carrying the burdens of your past.
I have written about my history and the fact that I was molested and then raped when I was young. I have not spoken about how that man stole my soul as it was as a young girl. That very first incident changed my life forever and this man stole that from me. Do we as a society think about this as much as we think about the acts themselves? Innocent souls are stolen by the predators and when they are caught they are given unimaginably short sentences after giving a life sentence to their victims. The victims are shamed and often, like myself, don’t speak out. In my case, I blocked my trauma out for 5 years and during that time had self-hate and harm. I thought about suicide many time and actually attempted, just wanting to go to sleep and stop the inner voice from continuing to tell me horrible things about myself. My inner voice hated that I didn’t get her justice and couldn’t understand why I wasn’t getting help or why I wasn’t making sure the man that stole our innocence got punished. When I finally allowed myself to remember the rape again 5 years after, I promised myself I would never be silent about this again.
As a society, we tell children that sex is bad and that it is not something we talk about. Even this is wrong. We need to stop stigmatizing the act of sex and put the focus on the fact that these people that do these acts to children are predators and need to be given as extreme of consequences as they impose on their victims. These predators steal the souls of their victims and need to be punished as such.
We hear so often we have to love ourselves so that we can truly love others and be loved by others. What does it mean to love ourselves however? This means you have to accept that you are the person you are meant to be and that there will be people that don’t appreciate who we are but that is not something you need to focus so much on. Be sure that when you find the person you love that you don’t allow others to tell you that it is wrong for you to be who you love. Love is different for each of us but never forget you wake with yourself and you fall asleep with yourself as well. Love You!