New Beginnings happen anytime. Doesn’t always just mean a total restart. I look at Mondays as the opportunity as a weekly New Beginning. It is the day where I can put all the negativity of last week behind me and focus on the positives of my future. Don’t allow the negativity around you to take hold. Set one day a week, whatever day you choose, to be your day to begin a new. If you want it can be every morning if you like even. It’s Your Choice! Make It Happen!
When you grow up around others that would rather live in victim status rather than surviving their past you easily take on the role of an enabler. You become the one to try daily to empower them to be the best they can be regardless of their past. It is easy to watch yourself cover for these people for their behaviors instead of expecting them to overcome. You think you are doing what is right and what you are supposed to do but unfortunately it can be deadly to an addict for example. Enablers will cover for those they believe can’t defend themselves and in the process they empower them to get worse and worse and not learn to survive. It’s like the saying, ” Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.” If you see yourself enabling those around you then you need to look in the mirror and ask yourself are you really helping them or hurting them? You could be LOVING THEM TO DEATH!
Each of us has different likes and dislikes. Some of us love the outdoor and anywhere there are trees and water. Others of us are more into the lights of the big city. Then there are others that would prefer sitting in the peace and quiet of a library. Whatever is your happy place, find it and be sure you are visiting as often as you can to bring happiness to your heart and soul.
There is so much hate in the world today. I have this mission to help the world find positivity when I live in a world full of hate around me. So many either hate people because of their skin color, where they came from, how much money they make or even what their political views are. When will we stop living in hate. Remember the quote from Martin Luther King Jr, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” We have to learn to start appreciating the gifts each of us have and stop focusing on the darkness in others. If you don’t turn on the light you will remain in the dark. We have to learn to live through the hate with more positive energy and less negative. Hate thrives on hate so if we stop feeding it then it can’t thrive. Search out the Light in the Dark, it exists if you want to find it.
I don’t care what color your skin is, where your parents came from, or how much money is in your bank account. Every single one of us has a purpose in this world. We are one race, HUMAN. Each of us is diverse in our own special way. There is only one YOU. Embrace each others diversity. As I sit here writing this post, sitting no more than 6 feet from me are two gentlemen playing a very intense game of chess. The color of the their skin, their past traumas, or their status makes no difference. They are two diverse human beings enjoying a strategic game. It makes me smile to watch these two men enjoy a quiet night together. Just to think that 100 years ago these two men would not have been allowed to sit in a public place peacefully. It is amazing to me how far we have come yet I know know we have a very long way to go. I truly hope that when my grandchildren are my age they will be able to not even remember the time when our diversity was a bad thing. I want for them to not have to focus on the thought that any of us were better than the other, just that we are different and that is AMAZING!!
This is the perfect time of year to embrace the spirit of the season and remember that we are never truly alone. It can be tough to lose those we love and we start to feel sorry for ourselves when we think of them being gone. If you believe and embrace the spirits they will fill you with love that even while they were on earth they could never have shown you. Our spirits are stronger than our physical bodies. They are what get us through the tough times and when others past on they are still around us even when we don’t feel their presence. During the Holidays I believe their spirits are even stronger so take a moment and feel their presence and remember the love you had and will always have. Embrace The Spirit so that it can truly embrace you. HUGS
As a mother of children who genetically inherited mental disorders they didn’t ask for or even deserve, I often feel this guilt for the choices I made. I know their pain as though it were my own even though I try to not enable them just because they are battling. They are strong at the core even though they feel they are victims at times. I often think of it like those who speak of the ghost pain after a limb is amputated, As a mother our children are an extension of ourselves and we do actually feel the pain they go through whether it is real to us or not. We will forever be connected to them but have to accept that they are a separate being and have to be allowed to make their own choices and experience their own failures. Love them but don’t love them to death.
We hear so often we have to love ourselves so that we can truly love others and be loved by others. What does it mean to love ourselves however? This means you have to accept that you are the person you are meant to be and that there will be people that don’t appreciate who we are but that is not something you need to focus so much on. Be sure that when you find the person you love that you don’t allow others to tell you that it is wrong for you to be who you love. Love is different for each of us but never forget you wake with yourself and you fall asleep with yourself as well. Love You!
When we are born we have no reason to believe anyone or anything is going to hurt us. We trust with everything we know until the time comes when that trust is broken. Once this happens we begin questioning the intentions of things and ultimately others around us. Once trust is lost it is not easy to regain and tough to not project on even those who have never done anything to not trust them. It must be a conscious decision to put our past experiences behind us and to make a conscious effort to not make others pay for the actions of a few. It has to be as though after trust is lost with one person you are “re-born” in a sense and you can’t continue to hold everyone around you responsible for actions of a few. When you realize that once trust is lost it is not only the person who broke that trust you no longer believe it but you ultimately have lost trust for yourself in your judgement. Trust is freeing and as long as you are careful and you listen to your instincts so that you aren’t putting yourself in situations where those who have bad intentions have to access to take advantage, being able to trust is so much healthier than hold on to that negativity of not trusting and thinking everyone is out to harm you.
Is there such a thing as a “Plug n Play Relationship” out there? One where two people have exactly what each other are made for without any modifications at all? I say “NO”, and that is perfectly okay. The problem is that people expect each other to be who they are today and remain that person for the rest of their lives. Or the other happens, and they are upset because they do not “changed” the way they expect them to. We change every single day and unless the two people change in the exact same way at the exact same pace they will never be the same to each other down the road. Then people get upset at each other for not being who they were and that is unreasonable. None of us are the same people we were yesterday much less 10, 20, 50 years from now. You either accept the person each of you have become or you accept that you are not compatible as you once were and you agree to part ways. There is no such thing as the “Plug n Play Relationship” that just continues to fit perfectly over and over. Be okay with that and communicate with each other. The worse thing you can do is hide the fact that your wants and desires have changed over time, or try to be something that someone else wants you to be and then find later you can’t be that. Resentment then sets in and one or both parties feel they have been misled as to who you are. Nothing is Plug n Play so just be yourself and be open with yourself and those around you as to your weaknesses and flaws. Once you are able to acknowledge them you are able to work on them and being open with others will have the opportunity to work with you or decide if they like you only as you are or they want they same thing for you and will help you to grow. Never expect that Plug n Play is what you want, because you have to know things today are not as they will be tomorrow. Be ready to adapt and there may not be an adapter for everyone in your life when change happens.
I want to discuss Post Traumatic Stress and how it feels as though our souls have been stolen after a traumatic event. There are of course various levels of Trauma but no one can really say that one level is easier than another. It truly depends on a multitude of variables and it really isn’t anyone’s place to determine how each traumatic event will effect each person. Two people can go through the exact same event at the exact same time and each will process it all differently. No one person has the knowledge or power to determine another persons thoughts or emotions. Everyone of us is unique and need to process things in our own way. For society to tell us we need to just accept something and get over it isn’t realistic in a lot of cases.
I battled with PTSD myself after I was raped at the age of 12. I repressed the incident so that I wouldn’t have to face the truth and continue to relive the act over and over in my nightmares. This is how I dealt with the trauma and it almost killed me as I dealt with suicidal thoughts and attempted, thankfully I failed. The one thing in my life I can honestly say today that I am proud of being a failure at. Those thoughts can really get the better of you and for those not having them you have no way of comprehending what it is like. The only way I can try and describe it would be like this… Have you ever had a recording of something you hated play over and over and you couldn’t get the player to shut off? You feel anxious because you want it to stop but it just continues no matter what you do? It is kind of like that but the voices or images are inside your head and there is no off button to push, or power cord you can pull. Think of it like those battling with those voices and images in their head finally have enough and they make suicide their disconnection from the ultimate power source of life. Typically, they resort to these measures because they believe there is no other way to get them to stop and no one can possibly understand what they are going through. Those battling with memories of a traumatic event, continue to replay that event over and over in their minds because their brain is trying to resolve the issue and can’t change the outcome. They are the star of their own personal thriller movie in their minds and they are often scared to share with anyone for fear that no one will believe them or will believe they are weak.
No matter why, it is wrong that they should be made to feel they are the ones that did anything wrong. They need to be ensured that they are loved and that they will not be judged for the acts of others choices or even their own in some cases. Things that have happened in our past, whether that is yesterday or several years ago, can never be changed or taken back. We have to learn to acknowledge those events and history and accept who we are today. In order for us to overcome our past we have to put it in the past and not allow it to continue to tear us down in our present and definitely not let it hold us back from our future. We are on this journey together and we all need to help one another achieve the future that we were meant to have.
Who is your support system? When you need to talk, vent, cry, get advice, etc. Who do you reach out to? We all need someone to turn to at times. Make sure those you have in you support system truly have your best interests in mind. We often have people in our lives that until the time comes that we truly need them they tell us they will be there for us while taking from us everyday. Then the day comes when we need that support returned and they are nowhere to be found. Be sure you are surrounding yourself with those who will give support as much as they take it. Be certain you are able to trust that they have your best interest in mind and that you have theirs as well. Having a solid support system is crucial in feeling secure and confident in yourself.
What is it depression? A feeling of loneliness? A feeling of there being no hope and not being able to change what has been done? It is a feeling no one wants but just about everyone has experienced at some level in their life. Some of us have been able to get through it, some of us have not. For a certain percentage of people, it was too much to handle and they cut there life short. For others they are still fighting it. It’s a long battle and some start to feel it’s a war they are losing but they are keeping their head up and thinking positive.
Then there are the strong ones who were able to see the good things in life and pull themselves out of it and move on. They put a smile on their face and said it is staying there no matter what happens. We can all hope we are these lucky ones that can pull themselves out of it. Some things are just too difficult to pull yourself out of for some. Death of someone held close to the heart or the loss of a loved one due to break up or divorce can be things that are just too much to pull yourself out of. Bullying and shame will cause people to do things out of desperation as well.
The key to pulling yourself out is knowing no matter what situation you are in, you have support groups. Some lean towards music, others lean towards their friends. Then there are those that have lost all friend or family support and can’t find happiness in music so what do they lean toward? Counseling or psychiatry is always a good choice. Your counselor and/or psychiatrist should know somewhere that can get you help or they personally may know how to help. The key is do not give up; suicide is never the option. No matter what you may think, your death will affect someone. There is always someone, somewhere that cares about you, whether it is a friend, family, or someone you would never have thought of. DEATH IS NEVER AN OPTION TO FIX DEPRESSION.
Remember your life matters and if you are having suicidal thoughts or know someone who is call your local Suicide Prevention Hotline. There is always someone out there that wants to listen.
There are various level of friendship and they do not all have to same levels of commitment or caring at all. If you meet someone and you have an instant connection with that person you may feel that it is because they are meant to be your friend forever. This is not always the case. Sometimes that energy you initially feel is the pull of the negative and positive energy of two people. This could be a good thing and in the end it could actually turn out that that was a sign of two energies fighting to find their strength and power source. A negative can drain a positive and a positve can power a negative. We just never truly know until we give the friendship the time it needs to work through all the highs and lows. A positive energy is naturally drawn to the negatives. It is their mission to give power to those in need but they can over do it at times and find themselves in a very dark negative relationship and then not know how to get away and regain their positive energy. Negativity is like a Cancer and can spread throughout us and then to those near us if not addressed.
Always take the proper amount of time to evaluate every friendship you have. There is nothing wrong with taking a stand for yourself and implementing firm boundaries. These boundaries are necessary at times to keep you grounded and of clear mind in order to make sure that you have the right people in your life. Our true friends will understand and have boundaries of their own.
True Love is like a drug. You think about nothing but getting your next fix. You can’t get enough of it and you are constantly focused on how you can get more. Just the thought of losing it hurts. Your thoughts are clouded and you have poor judgement on what else is important. You truly have to be strong and be sure to not get completely lost in the feeling or you can easily lose touch of the outside world. You can feel as though nothing but this feeling is worth having and you can easily get addicted to the high. Be sure you are not losing touch with the things outside of that love that have importance as well. Once the high ends you have to proceed with everyday life remember. Be sure to keep grounded to reality while enjoying the intense high of something not everyone experiences.
Take pride in who you are today, no matter where you came from. Every single one of us has a past, some better than others. Some have gone through things none of the rest of us could even possibly imagine. Does this make them any worse or better than any of us? Our past is only part of our foundation for our future. Some go through things that are needed in order to strengthen them, for whatever reason. I know that sounds horrible that some people have to go through horrible experiences in order to be stronger but sometimes it is needed. Everything, in my opinion, happens for a reason. Take pride in the fact that you survived all that was thrown in your path and process it and make it all part of your solid foundation. We all started as helpless infants dependent on others to survive. Now it’s our turn to take pride in ourselves and rise above all that tried to keep us down.
Take a minute and look at yourself in the mirror. What feature do you see first? Do you see the good or bad first? Typically on average people will zero in on the things they don’t like about themselves first thing. If this is you, I want you to try something. Before you walk to the mirror think of the parts of yourself that you do like about yourself and tell yourself to focus on that part of you only. Don’t look at any other feature. Now acknowledge what it is about the feature that you are comfortable with. Now you have to think of another feature that you either like or just don’t dislike. Focus immediately on that feature. Repeat the cycle of telling yourself what it is you do like. Now I want you to think of the feature you hate the most about yourself. Go ahead, be real now. What feature do you have that you just hate? Now I want you to stare at that body part. Stare hard at it. Is there anything you can do to change that feature? Anything at all in your immediate power to make it better. I am guessing the answer is no or you would have already done something about it, right? Well I want you to remind yourself that we all have flaws and parts of us we can not change and that we do not like but there are also parts that we do. It is the great balance of life. Accept that you are unique and even your flaws are a gift because they make you different from someone else and that is a positive. If you can’t change it, Embrace it! Every part of you makes you the wonderful person you are and you have to love yourself for all that you are not just pieces of yourself. This will not change overnight but I want you to keep working on this every day. I tell you that you will start to see a difference in how you see yourself in time once you start accepting every part of you for being special to you!
What an amazingly strong word for five letters. Trust is a word that all too often is so difficult to define but so utterly important in all types of relationships. To me the word trust has five components to it: Truth, Respect, Understanding, Strength, and Teamwork. Without this in our relationships we feel insecurity and weakness and this can breakdown any type of relationship over time. Building trust takes time and can be knocked over in a matter of a few moments if the foundation isn’t solid. Take pride in who you are and be sure that if you are requiring TRUST you give it in return. We are all equal and deserve to be treated as such especially in our relationships.
Independence is a scary thing for some and all about freedom for others. We all translate independence in our own way. Not only about our political views. Some see it as they want to make their own rules, others as they just want to live how they chose to live, and even those that just want to not depend on others. However, this word impacts you is unique to you and that is why it is so important to embrace it. Fight for what it is that you want but in the process respect those around you . They are as unique as you are and deserve the right to have their independence, their own way. Be sure you are opening your mind enough to the needs of others in the process of taking charge of your own life. Our Own Indepence is unique to each of us and should be embraced and cherished. LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE INDEPENDENTLY!
Even in a healthy loving relationship there can be moments of weakness. The important thing is open communication between one another. When I say “open communication” I mean, OPEN!! Each of you have to feel safe talking to one another about any thoughts you many have. Often in relationships one partner or the other considers cheating because over time their likes and needs change and they worry if they tell their partner they won’t accept it. Insecurities are a strong emotion and it can hurt a relationship without either partner knowing the other is dealing with it. If we truly love and accept one another we should be open to each others fantasies as well. Make sure your partner knows that you love them and you won’t judge them. I recommend that you open the communication that allows each other to feel they can voice your individual fantasies as though you were cheating with your partner. Talk openly with them as if they were a stranger at times and you are telling them things they never knew. Strangely at times it is the excitement that is needed in someone. If you role play and act as though you are dating for the very first time and that you have to keep it quiet or your partner (who is actually this person of course) will find out. Often people cheat only because they want to feel that excitement of a new relationship or to have someone to just listen to them and give them undivided attention so the feel heard. You may not agree with this thought process but from my experience with married people online, the two common things I hear is that they aren’t connected sexually with their partner (male and female) and that they just can’t communicate and tell them the fantasies they have for fear of them not understanding. As I said, Cheat with your Partner and allow them to tell you their inner fantasies no matter how intense. If you two can’t discuss these things and come to a common agreement how can you have passion and true connection. Get out there and Cheat With Your Partner and Be each other’s fantasies!
Why is it so difficult for us to accept that each of us are as unique as each of our fingerprints? We all have our individual gifts that are unique to us and we are each given the unique chemistry for our likes and dislikes that we can not control. When are we going to learn to accept one another for our differences rather than bash us and hurt one another because of them? Just because I like something and you don’t shouldn’t give you the right to hate me and hurt me because of it. What gives you the right to say your way is better than mine? When were you given the power to judge others for how they were born? Our choices are our own but our chemistry is ours to learn to live with. Those born a race, physical appearance or sexual preference which is different than yours is how they were made and makes them just as unique as you are. Why can we not just accept one another and love one another for everything each of us has to offer this world and stop searching for reasons to tear each other apart. Let’s stop the negativity and start loving one another for our individuality. These random acts of violence need to be stopped. Let’s start spreading random acts of KINDNESS!!
Today is Memorial Day in the United States. A special day for us to remember those who have made sacrifices to protect our country and to serve our country in other countries. I want to take this day to say “THANK YOU ALL! I truly appreciate you for all that you do and give for us!” For those who look at this weekend as just a three day weekend that gives you an excuse to go out and party and have an extra day to do it be sure that you are doing it for the right purpose. If it weren’t for these brave men and women sacrificing themselves you wouldn’t have a lot of the freedoms that you take for granted. So many go in to the service, many do not come out alive and even more come out with memories you and I could never imagine having to live with. So please take a moment today and go out of your way and thank a vet for all they have given for you. For one day…Don’t be selfish and appreciate what others have given for you. Again Thank You to those still serving and those who have given the supreme sacrifice!!
May is Mental Health Awareness Month and this has a special place in my heart as my regular followers know. I am the mother of children living with mental health challenges and I know first hand what this does to the individual living with the disorder and their family who would love them no matter what. Mental Health Disorders are invisible disabilities that most can’t even imagine how it impacts the thoughts that go through their heads. Often those suffering have no idea that they are even battling in the moment and those around them deal with the consequences. Society has labeled these battling with these disorders and made them out to be monsters or crazy, which then feeds the negative thoughts already tearing the sufferer apart from the inside. They want to just be “normal” and when they are constantly told they can’t be they often get discouraged. Society puts on the pressure and the result becomes rages, manic episodes, suicide, among other destructive results. Why can’t we get these suffering the proper help and stop stigmatizing them?
Can we take a bit of time this month of awareness and find out how we can all do our part to help and share awareness. Educate yourself a bit this month and try to understand what these battling are going through instead of hiding them and being ashamed if you have family members. The biggest thing these people need to be surrounded with are positive thoughts and lots of support. Show them that people do care about them and that there are people willing to listen.
The best things you can do for yourself is to know your worth and not accept less than that. We all have high value and to allow others to treat us like we don’t deserve the best is wrong. Take the time to acknowledge your worth before someone comes along and treats you like an item broke and left on the Clearance Rack at the Discount Store. You are the only one that truly knows you and when you take pride in all you have to offer, you will present yourself accordingly. Then your value goes through the roof. Think Supply and Demand: Confidence and Self- Esteem are attractive qualities and actually rare to truly find. People will give anything to be with someone that knows who they are and what they are worth and will strive to do whatever it takes to become the person worthy of such a person. If they’re not willing to do that, then they aren’t worth your time, in my not so humble opinion. Know your worth and you will attract others who deserve all you have to offer.