When I think of Tough Love, I tend to wonder how can you be tough on someone you truly love? It isn’t easy to not want to help those you care about and watch them struggle when you have the means to help. How do you help them without actually enabling them?
Think about our kids and how we tend to want the best for them. If we continuously give to them without any expectations they aren’t able to learn how to fend for themselves. Now if we decide to teach them how to achieve their own goals we then give them the tools they need to succeed in life away from us. As parents we learned that we aren’t perfect ourselves but we want to give to our children what we didn’t have. In doing this there are times that we actually hurt them more than help them. If you can honestly say you have guided your children and given them the proper tools and they still choose the wrong path then it is definitely time to step back and let them figure things out for themselves. However, if you have only expected them to grow up and not shown by example how are they truly supposed to learn. Children are followers until they are shown how to be leaders. By first showing unconditional love, they still know they are loved when you are forced to implement tough love.
This same philosophy goes for those around us. If we continue to tell them what they want to hear instead of what they need to hear, how are they going to grow and better themselves when they are perpetuating the same behaviors over and over. Tough love isn’t easy but again when your friends and family know you love them unconditionally, they will know you only say what you say out of the kindness of your heart.
Just remember that in order to implement Tough Love, you first have to show Unconditional Love. Otherwise you are just being selfish and controlling and that doesn’t teach anyone anything positive in the end.
When you live a Positive Life, it is not Black or White. There are many many shades of Grey. You can’t force everyone to see things exactly the same and say you are living a Positive Life. Positivity is varying shades for each of us. Absolutes create Negativity because that is requiring everyone around us to think exactly the same and that is not positive at all. By opening your heart and mind to all the possibilities you encourage yourself to expand your limits and you are able to see things from other angles that you may have missed previously. Don’t be afraid of change and allow yourself to witness the world from the view of those around you. See the Greys of Positivity and open the doors of possibilities.
We have two chances at a Parent/Child Relationship first as the child and then if we are lucky enough, as the parent. I am not sure either is easy. Two individuals with their own independent views can’t always see eye to eye. As a child, we often look up to our parents, believing they are perfect until that image is shattered by some event. We don’t understand until much later when we mature that we are all imperfect and we just have to accept our imperfections and learn to build up our strengths and surround ourselves with those with strengths that we have as weaknesses.
Once we grow up and become parents of our own we have another opportunity to have that Parent/Child Relationship. It is up to us to take those lessons we learned and try to teach our children from them, knowing that they may not really get it until they are parents themselves but be comfortable enough that we know we are guiding them properly. We can’t be selfish and emotional when it comes to teaching. It has to come from a grounded place and we have to not judge our children for their imperfections but not enable them either.
Guide our youth so they can become the adults we will be proud of later. Acknowledge that they may not do everything as you would but you should accept their paths and try to guide them when you are given the opportunity without judging. You never know if their way can teach them something that will take them even further than you ever imagined. In the end we have to be their role models and realize that is the only thing in our control.
Cyberspace has become an escape from reality for many people today. Often people use network sites to escape the reality of their lives and if only for a little while become someone they could never be in the real world. This can be a healthy way to boost confidence and find who you truly are inside, but unfortunately most get so lost in the personal they disappear completely in the fantasy world then when faced with the reality of actually meeting people face to face they can’ accept that they aren’t who they have been portraying. It is so easy to get sucks into the fantasy and lose touch with the real you. The MTV Show “Catfish” shows this all too well yet people just continue to do it. It is one thing to go online and gain self-confidence and work to improve yourself along the way but to post pictures of other people and lie about who you are only eats away at the real you and in time in your mind you become that person but of course you can’t live that fantasy forever so you start to self-loath because you realize you are not able to live up to the image you have created. My advice, always be true to yourself and do give in to the weakness of trying to live a fantasy. In the end it hurts you and potentially the people you are lying to and it will only make you hate yourself in the end.
Yes Garfield, you are so right on…Lol! It’s all about your outlook. The more you call yourself flawed, in anyway, the negativity sets in and makes it that much more difficult to address the problem. Find your positive and remember you are beautiful inside and then you can let the positivity shine outward. Tell yourself when you have your “Winter Coat” on and it’s not wanting to be shed, that you are just too short for your weight. Stand tall and see yourself how you want yourself and make it happen.
We need to Learn from our Past, but not Live by It. Reflect on what you’ve been through and learn from the events good and bad. When you dwell on the past and continue to relive it over and over you continue to repeat the cycle unintentionally. It becomes habit and you have to break those bad habits to achieve your intended future. Remember how we are taught new things it is often by repetition, so if you are repeatedly making the same unhealthy choices you are going to teach yourself that is how things are to be. Break the cycle and acknowledge those bad habits and break them now. Learn from It, Now Live Life in the Positive.