As a mother of children who genetically inherited mental disorders they didn’t ask for or even deserve, I often feel this guilt for the choices I made. I know their pain as though it were my own even though I try to not enable them just because they are battling. They are strong at the core even though they feel they are victims at times. I often think of it like those who speak of the ghost pain after a limb is amputated, As a mother our children are an extension of ourselves and we do actually feel the pain they go through whether it is real to us or not. We will forever be connected to them but have to accept that they are a separate being and have to be allowed to make their own choices and experience their own failures. Love them but don’t love them to death.
We have two chances at a Parent/Child Relationship first as the child and then if we are lucky enough, as the parent. I am not sure either is easy. Two individuals with their own independent views can’t always see eye to eye. As a child, we often look up to our parents, believing they are perfect until that image is shattered by some event. We don’t understand until much later when we mature that we are all imperfect and we just have to accept our imperfections and learn to build up our strengths and surround ourselves with those with strengths that we have as weaknesses.
Once we grow up and become parents of our own we have another opportunity to have that Parent/Child Relationship. It is up to us to take those lessons we learned and try to teach our children from them, knowing that they may not really get it until they are parents themselves but be comfortable enough that we know we are guiding them properly. We can’t be selfish and emotional when it comes to teaching. It has to come from a grounded place and we have to not judge our children for their imperfections but not enable them either.
Guide our youth so they can become the adults we will be proud of later. Acknowledge that they may not do everything as you would but you should accept their paths and try to guide them when you are given the opportunity without judging. You never know if their way can teach them something that will take them even further than you ever imagined. In the end we have to be their role models and realize that is the only thing in our control.
Happy Father’s Day to all the Fathers, Step-Fathers and the Mothers that are having to fill both roles. You are the role models for the children around you. Take that responsibility with great honor and show those children how to truly Love and Live. Show them positivity and tell them how negativity hurts them and those around them. Guide them and treasure them. HUGS ~Vix~
As Children we are all extremely vulnerable to Negativity. If a child tells their parent they want to dance and their parent responds with something like, “Why do you want to dance? You’re too fat to dance.” Those two sentences can make a very negative impact on a child. The child looks to the parent as ” All Knowing”, if they think they’re fat then often they start seeing themselves that way no matter how the look. Same when an adult tells a child they’re stupid or a moron. This can play a huge part in that child’s self-image.
As adults, we need to learn to think before we speak to our children. Chose our words wisely and start boosting their self-image by using positivity and not allowing negativity to take root in our children.
How does Anxiety in Our Society effect our day to day lives? I think about this often with both my children having anxiety based disabilities. We have so much going on in our lives that I see that we allow anxiety to become a greater impact than it really should.
Kids have higher anxiety in school because our system is setup to make everyone the same instead of the individuals they are. With larger class sizes, teachers are forced to streamline course outlines and this just leaves those who don’t learn in that particular way struggling and in return their anxiety levels are increased and then the potential of anxiety based disorders is increased. We have seen a rise in suicide and attempted suicides year over year. Depression and Anxiety are serious and should not be taken lightly. Our children need to be supplied with the tools necessary to manage these times without feeling it is unmanageable and choose to end their lives as what they believe is their only option. Why aren’t coping skills and stress relief techniques part of curriculum also?
We focus so much on academics and extracurriculars that our children become overwhelmed with, what they feel, is expected from them and what they can actually achieve. We as a society need to work more on focusing on the individuals ànd stop judging based on what the majority believes to be the “norm”. What would the world be like if we were all doctors,or lawyers,or astronauts, etc? There is a place for us all and that doesn’t make any of us necessarily “better” than others. We all have our strengths and our purpose. By judging those that aren’t like us we are creativity a society in which those who are creative and musical may feel they aren’t as important as say a doctor who saves ànd patient. When in reality medicine is a science and is not perfect either.
I want a world where we all are free of anxiety and we are able to support one another no matter what we choose as our path. Our children need to accept one another and learn to start working together to build a world where they accept each other for their individual strengths and stop seeing their weaknesses as character flaws. If we teach our children to see one another as our equals and just because one is great in math and the other loves art doesn’t make either better or worse. We are just all as different as our fingerprint. We need to accept that and learn to live in a positive manner where we fight off anxiety because we know that with a clear mind and low stress level we can tackle obstacles and address them in the manner in which is right for us.