Think of the ups and downs of life like heart beats. Some are stronger than others and during happiness it is different than during sadness but there is still a beat. We need the peaks and valleys or else we flat line. Even though we don’t like the low moments we have to remind ourselves that it is only a moment. Next thing you know life bounces back up and you are on your way up again. This is the heartbeat of life and without it we are dead. Enjoy the beats and blimps.
So many of us build walls in order to protect us from our past. The problem is that this actually can do the opposite and it can prevent us from moving toward our future. These walls that are meant to be made temporary and not allowed to encompass us entirely. All too often those who built these walls get comfortable behind them. They end up becoming trapped behind that which they built to protect them. It is natural to want to never be hurt again after you survive, but by projecting on to the world the acts of specific people or events all you do is close yourself off from the love and good that you should be allowing yourself. Do not allow yourself to remain the victim forever. Allow yourself the time and then be sure to start healing. The longer you build that wall the thicker it will become and the more difficult to tear down.
Is there such a thing as a “Plug n Play Relationship” out there? One where two people have exactly what each other are made for without any modifications at all? I say “NO”, and that is perfectly okay. The problem is that people expect each other to be who they are today and remain that person for the rest of their lives. Or the other happens, and they are upset because they do not “changed” the way they expect them to. We change every single day and unless the two people change in the exact same way at the exact same pace they will never be the same to each other down the road. Then people get upset at each other for not being who they were and that is unreasonable. None of us are the same people we were yesterday much less 10, 20, 50 years from now. You either accept the person each of you have become or you accept that you are not compatible as you once were and you agree to part ways. There is no such thing as the “Plug n Play Relationship” that just continues to fit perfectly over and over. Be okay with that and communicate with each other. The worse thing you can do is hide the fact that your wants and desires have changed over time, or try to be something that someone else wants you to be and then find later you can’t be that. Resentment then sets in and one or both parties feel they have been misled as to who you are. Nothing is Plug n Play so just be yourself and be open with yourself and those around you as to your weaknesses and flaws. Once you are able to acknowledge them you are able to work on them and being open with others will have the opportunity to work with you or decide if they like you only as you are or they want they same thing for you and will help you to grow. Never expect that Plug n Play is what you want, because you have to know things today are not as they will be tomorrow. Be ready to adapt and there may not be an adapter for everyone in your life when change happens.
I recently reread the following article “Here’s Why You’re Having Bad Sex” and wanted to share my thoughts on it with you. First take a moment to read through his article and then come back and I will continue…See you back soon! www.attn.com/stories/4597/nev-schulman-casual-sex-tips?utm_source=nevschulman&utm_medium=fbpost&utm_campaign=influencer by Nev Schulman
Welcome Back! Hope you enjoyed the article. Now here are my thoughts, first of all let me say that I feel that society needs to back the hell off this hypocrisy that men can have sex as often or with whomever they want but women can only do it when they are in a committed relationship. If a woman feels she can emotionally handle the ramifications of having casual sex with multiple partners that is absolutely her decision. However, she has to accept that men and women are just built differently. Even when you think you can control your emotions, actually you have no control of them whatsoever. You may end up feeling empty and alone after you have a one night stand and beating yourself up. Now you are totally confused because you probably didn’t really like the guy past just attraction and lust. You are going to battle with yourself because your hormones may not know the difference. Hormones are going to elevate and get you questioning your initial thoughts. You are also going to start worrying what others are going to think of you. Let me say right now…WHO GIVES A SHIT!! No one but you lives your life and if you made the choice it is your choice to live with. No one else has the right to judge you for it. My hope is that one day society will accept that Sex is Healthy for both genders. We both deserve to get these benefits and not feel guilty for it.
As for men and casual sex, I can honestly say I have seen a change in the way men in my age group view casual sex. Some are all about the casual and then just don’t know how to stop the desire for something new and stopping that feeling of they might miss out on something great if they stop with just one. They worry they will meet a freak in the sheets and then once they commit and become exclusive that freak will do the stereotypical, shutdown and start using sex to control them. This is what has to stop. Why do we as women feel it is right for us to use sex as a weapon instead of accepting it as a reward for both of us?
Be sure you are enjoying sex with your partner. That is truly what matters in the end. If you truly love having sex with your partner you will want to find time for the two of you whenever you possibly can have it. Keep that spark and it can be forever. No your relationship isn’t all about sex but SEX is an important glue in the intimacy of your relationship. Without intimacy, love will fizzle and potentially one partner, or both, will start looking for that spark elsewhere. If you truly love your partner make sure you keep those passion embers HOT.
When money gets mistaken for love we really need to adjust our mindset! Money is great to pay the bills and buy material items but when we think it is more important than our self-respect we have to sit back and adjust our value in ourselves! If we start thinking money equals security even we are lost as well! How much are each of us worth? Are diamonds and furs truly important? Can we take them with us when we die? Will people remember us for them? If those people are only focused on that are they going to be there if that money were to suddenly be gone? With that said make sure we need to be focused on making memories and sharing ourself with those who love us and don’t honestly give a shit about how much we are financially worth but how we make them feel just being in our life! We can’t get love from a piece of paper or plastic! They don’t give hugs and can’t tell us they love us when we are just in need of that!
What an amazingly strong word for five letters. Trust is a word that all too often is so difficult to define but so utterly important in all types of relationships. To me the word trust has five components to it: Truth, Respect, Understanding, Strength, and Teamwork. Without this in our relationships we feel insecurity and weakness and this can breakdown any type of relationship over time. Building trust takes time and can be knocked over in a matter of a few moments if the foundation isn’t solid. Take pride in who you are and be sure that if you are requiring TRUST you give it in return. We are all equal and deserve to be treated as such especially in our relationships.
Even in a healthy loving relationship there can be moments of weakness. The important thing is open communication between one another. When I say “open communication” I mean, OPEN!! Each of you have to feel safe talking to one another about any thoughts you many have. Often in relationships one partner or the other considers cheating because over time their likes and needs change and they worry if they tell their partner they won’t accept it. Insecurities are a strong emotion and it can hurt a relationship without either partner knowing the other is dealing with it. If we truly love and accept one another we should be open to each others fantasies as well. Make sure your partner knows that you love them and you won’t judge them. I recommend that you open the communication that allows each other to feel they can voice your individual fantasies as though you were cheating with your partner. Talk openly with them as if they were a stranger at times and you are telling them things they never knew. Strangely at times it is the excitement that is needed in someone. If you role play and act as though you are dating for the very first time and that you have to keep it quiet or your partner (who is actually this person of course) will find out. Often people cheat only because they want to feel that excitement of a new relationship or to have someone to just listen to them and give them undivided attention so the feel heard. You may not agree with this thought process but from my experience with married people online, the two common things I hear is that they aren’t connected sexually with their partner (male and female) and that they just can’t communicate and tell them the fantasies they have for fear of them not understanding. As I said, Cheat with your Partner and allow them to tell you their inner fantasies no matter how intense. If you two can’t discuss these things and come to a common agreement how can you have passion and true connection. Get out there and Cheat With Your Partner and Be each other’s fantasies!