Have you ever thought that the pain and hurt we feel due to past relationships gone wrong or actually being hurt by others in our past are some what like what they call “Phantom Pains” in those that have lost limbs? I know this sounds a little far fetch but let’s think about this. If you were in a relationship and you were hurt and you severed those ties, isn’t it similar in a strange way? When you lose a limb you have extreme pain and then loss and then it is said that you experience Phantom pains in the limb. So is it so strange to have similar pains when you sever relationship ties? You have had potentially extreme pain and you have now lost a part of your life that you felt was another limb of sorts. After you are away and you start realizing you are living without that part of your life you tend to relive that pain from time to time and may even project that on to others in your present. You can start to react to this “Phantom Pain” by treating those around you as you would like to have handled the past. You need to acknowledge that the Past is exactly that and that your future does not include that “limb” so now you have to LIVE your new life and not allow what caused you to lose that “limb” to impact you so that you don’t potential lose future “limbs” for the same reasons. You make better choices, you look deeper inside yourself to know what is hurting you before it becomes so bad that you can go back and reverse the damages done. I know this analogy is not perfect but I do see very similar traits in how we analyze the loss and I thought maybe, just maybe, this would help others to remember that when we lose something there is a purpose and now is the time to stop being the victim of it and realize that you have a new life that you need to find your purpose in and love yourself in. Don’t allow the problem to spread to your future and grow as a person from the mistakes that you may have made. I hope this helps you to look at your current relationships a little deeper and make sure that you are treating them as something. Stop being the victim of what others may have done to you and learn to live from those experiences.
On the other hand once you’re an amputee you’re an amputee. You can’t undo that for the next person. They’re stuck with who you are now. Which is partly because of other people.
I do not disagree. I was only talking about the similarity between the Phantom Pain Only.
To the latter person though it’s probably hard to tell the difference. It’s inevitable you “pay for the sins” of earlier people in their life I guess. I know when a colleague is flirty with my husband and I hate her for it she’s paying for the sins of another woman who was more subtle. But so be it. She doesn’t have any inherent right to meet me as I was before the affair.