I made a huge break through the other day in my healing. I acknowledged a weakness in myself that I believe is going to help me to truly let go of a little more of my past. I have a pattern of allowing people in my life that control me through manipulation. It is typically people who are insecure with themselves and they find by tearing down my self-confidence they gain power over me, hence in return “holding me down”. I realized this is a metaphor for my past and the way I have programmed myself to survive. This I have realized is all tied back to my rape and the act of being physically “held down” during it. I see that I have learned to accept this behavior out of habit. By now acknowledging this about myself, I truly believe this is the next step I need to continue this path of healing that I am on. I refuse to allow myself to be “held down” by others any longer. I know my worth and I know that I have much to share with this world. I will no longer allow the weakness of others to become my weakness. It is an amazing feeling, when you can start to see things in your life clearly and be able to learn the lessons of our past instead of allowing them to HOLD US DOWN!!
True Love is like a drug. You think about nothing but getting your next fix. You can’t get enough of it and you are constantly focused on how you can get more. Just the thought of losing it hurts. Your thoughts are clouded and you have poor judgement on what else is important. You truly have to be strong and be sure to not get completely lost in the feeling or you can easily lose touch of the outside world. You can feel as though nothing but this feeling is worth having and you can easily get addicted to the high. Be sure you are not losing touch with the things outside of that love that have importance as well. Once the high ends you have to proceed with everyday life remember. Be sure to keep grounded to reality while enjoying the intense high of something not everyone experiences.
How do you keep going when the ones you love so much can’t help but hurt you? How do you keep loving those who are sick and make you the target when they are hurting? These are the questions I have been asking myself for most of my life! Having family and friends with mental illness is tough! You know they are sick but you also know you do not deserve to be the target of all their anger! You try and try to help but once this cycle ends you just work to restrengthen in order to prepare for the next! Mental Illness robs us of the true love of these family members and friends!
When will the system start helping these people? Why do we not see how bad this is and how many areas this matter effects? I appeal to those in power to open their eyes and start addressing the one core problem to so many of our issues in society! Drugs are used to self-medicate, crimes are committed by people doing drugs, untreated mental illness is responsible for a large percentage of violence, crime, and homeless! Addressing Mental Health could truly assist with so much of the negativity we are dealing with in society today! LET’S GET THEM AND THEIR FAMILIES THE HELP THEY SO DESPERATELY REQUIRE!
Do you know people that have their own version of reality? Those people who can take an experience and totally twisting it around and distort reality in order to make themselves look better. These people tend to have to create an alternate reality in order to boost themselves up. They can truly make themselves believe their own version and make others believe that reality as well. You have to truly protect yourself from these people and make sure that you are firmly grounded and know that you will often have to determine what is reality and what is fantasy with these people. I am not saying to cut these people out of your life but you do need to be sure you watch yourself around them and make sure that you are not the target of there fantasies.