I choose to live for the future. The past is only part of who I am and it is for sure a huge part of my foundation. However, it is not all of me and I will not allow it to consume me. We all have to acknowledge our past and accept our present but our future is where we are headed so why get stuck in the minutia of the negativity of the past that cannot be changed. We have a future and it is up to us how amazing it is.
I made a huge break through the other day in my healing. I acknowledged a weakness in myself that I believe is going to help me to truly let go of a little more of my past. I have a pattern of allowing people in my life that control me through manipulation. It is typically people who are insecure with themselves and they find by tearing down my self-confidence they gain power over me, hence in return “holding me down”. I realized this is a metaphor for my past and the way I have programmed myself to survive. This I have realized is all tied back to my rape and the act of being physically “held down” during it. I see that I have learned to accept this behavior out of habit. By now acknowledging this about myself, I truly believe this is the next step I need to continue this path of healing that I am on. I refuse to allow myself to be “held down” by others any longer. I know my worth and I know that I have much to share with this world. I will no longer allow the weakness of others to become my weakness. It is an amazing feeling, when you can start to see things in your life clearly and be able to learn the lessons of our past instead of allowing them to HOLD US DOWN!!
Do you allow your past experiences to limit you future ones? Think about it. How often do you base your future choices off of past experiences? We all do it to varying degrees. There are definite moments that you need to not do this. Relationships are one of them. Now of course you know that if you don’t like certain traits in a person that is going to be taken into consideration, of course. How often do you ask someone, “What do you like to do?” “What are your favorite foods?” “What type of man/woman do you like?” Hell I will go as far as to say we hear, “What is your favorite sexual position?” from some people when getting to know them. Let me give you all a little advice. Pulling from the past to make your future better is fine but living from it only limits your possibilities. Whenever I am asked these types of questions I usually respond with, “I don’t know since I haven’t gotten to know you yet.” The moment you tell someone what you are looking for based on your past they will try and become that ideal and then stop being themself. This is why the first 3-6 of meeting someone new is wasted in some cases because people aren’t being themselves they are trying to become what that other person is looking for and then when they get comfortable and just be themselves they are told “You have changed” and things get tough. Stop limiting your possibilities based on what you’ve known. Learn to enjoy the adventure of what you haven’t known.