New Beginnings happen anytime. Doesn’t always just mean a total restart. I look at Mondays as the opportunity as a weekly New Beginning. It is the day where I can put all the negativity of last week behind me and focus on the positives of my future. Don’t allow the negativity around you to take hold. Set one day a week, whatever day you choose, to be your day to begin a new. If you want it can be every morning if you like even. It’s Your Choice! Make It Happen!
When you grow up around others that would rather live in victim status rather than surviving their past you easily take on the role of an enabler. You become the one to try daily to empower them to be the best they can be regardless of their past. It is easy to watch yourself cover for these people for their behaviors instead of expecting them to overcome. You think you are doing what is right and what you are supposed to do but unfortunately it can be deadly to an addict for example. Enablers will cover for those they believe can’t defend themselves and in the process they empower them to get worse and worse and not learn to survive. It’s like the saying, ” Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.” If you see yourself enabling those around you then you need to look in the mirror and ask yourself are you really helping them or hurting them? You could be LOVING THEM TO DEATH!
Are you doing what you are meant to do or are you just going through the motions and doing what others tell you that you have to do? So many are ignoring their given talents and just doing what comes easiest instead of extending themselves a bit and being happier and get more out of what they are doing. When are you going to follow you passion and gifts? If you allow yourself to sell yourself short and just get by you will never know exactly what it is you could have become. Never sell yourself short, cause you have unlimited value. Reach for it and make it happen.
Each of us has different likes and dislikes. Some of us love the outdoors and anywhere there are trees and water. Others of us are more into the lights of the big city. Then there are others that would prefer sitting in the peace and quiet of a library. Whatever is your happy place, find it and be sure you are visiting as often as you can to bring happiness to your heart and soul.
When will the time come when you say to yourself, “I acknowledge the past, however, I accept my present for what it is. My past will not dictate my future!” The moment you can do this, is the moment you will finally loosen those chains that have held you back. We cannot truly move forward without acknowledging the past. Stop reliving it over and over. Once you learn the lessons you were meant to learn step out of those chains and be free to make the future you truly desire and were meant to live.
There are always going to be those people around that I call the chronic complainers. They have to go against the majority just to stand out and get attention. They would complain if they were to get everything they asked for. They are just starved for attention and they can’t just be satisfied with things as they are. You will not be able to change these people and the best way to handle them is to know that is who they are and just don’t engage or feed their complaints. Unfortunately, these types just carry negativity around with them and if you allow them to, they will bring that negativity to your life as well. Don’t enable them by feeding into their complaining. Just walk away and find a more peaceful situation.
What does tolerance mean? Why don’t more of us have the ability to tolerate? Tolerance is the ability to tolerate or accept things we don’t necessarily agree with. I would much rather be learning to tolerate things I cannot change about others and accepting everyone for their uniqueness. I have learned so much from people who have different views than my own. They may not change your views but they can definitely give a new prospective. Open your eyes and learn from the world around you and be tolerant of those that may not agree with you or them with you. As I say, “Agree to Disagree!”
There is so much hate in the world today. I have this mission to help the world find positivity when I live in a world full of hate around me. So many either hate people because of their skin color, where they came from, how much money they make or even what their political views are. When will we stop living in hate. Remember the quote from Martin Luther King Jr, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” We have to learn to start appreciating the gifts each of us have and stop focusing on the darkness in others. If you don’t turn on the light you will remain in the dark. We have to learn to live through the hate with more positive energy and less negative. Hate thrives on hate so if we stop feeding it then it can’t thrive. Search out the Light in the Dark, it exists if you want to find it.
This is the perfect time of year to embrace the spirit of the season and remember that we are never truly alone. It can be tough to lose those we love and we start to feel sorry for ourselves when we think of them being gone. If you believe and embrace the spirits they will fill you with love that even while they were on earth they could never have shown you. Our spirits are stronger than our physical bodies. They are what get us through the tough times and when others past on they are still around us even when we don’t feel their presence. During the Holidays I believe their spirits are even stronger so take a moment and feel their presence and remember the love you had and will always have. Embrace The Spirit so that it can truly embrace you. HUGS
As a mother of children who genetically inherited mental disorders they didn’t ask for or even deserve, I often feel this guilt for the choices I made. I know their pain as though it were my own even though I try to not enable them just because they are battling. They are strong at the core even though they feel they are victims at times. I often think of it like those who speak of the ghost pain after a limb is amputated, As a mother our children are an extension of ourselves and we do actually feel the pain they go through whether it is real to us or not. We will forever be connected to them but have to accept that they are a separate being and have to be allowed to make their own choices and experience their own failures. Love them but don’t love them to death.
Think of the ups and downs of life like heart beats. Some are stronger than others and during happiness it is different than during sadness but there is still a beat. We need the peaks and valleys or else we flat line. Even though we don’t like the low moments we have to remind ourselves that it is only a moment. Next thing you know life bounces back up and you are on your way up again. This is the heartbeat of life and without it we are dead. Enjoy the beats and blimps.
So many of us build walls in order to protect us from our past. The problem is that this actually can do the opposite and it can prevent us from moving toward our future. These walls that are meant to be made temporary and not allowed to encompass us entirely. All too often those who built these walls get comfortable behind them. They end up becoming trapped behind that which they built to protect them. It is natural to want to never be hurt again after you survive, but by projecting on to the world the acts of specific people or events all you do is close yourself off from the love and good that you should be allowing yourself. Do not allow yourself to remain the victim forever. Allow yourself the time and then be sure to start healing. The longer you build that wall the thicker it will become and the more difficult to tear down.
This journey from Survivor to Thriver and Then Beyond, is in no way easy but it is truly within reach of each of us. Myself, I am between the Survivor and Thriver Stages and I work every day to take the necessary steps to keep moving more forward that backward. This road is often bumpy and there are many days I just think "Maybe I am good with just being a survivor. Why do I need to thrive anyway and is the beyond really that amazing? I am happy as I am now. Why do I need to keep pushing myself?"
The simple answer to all this is: I am meant to do MORE! My journey hasn't ended so why should I just stop working to achieve the ultimate life I am meant to live? I survived sexual abuse! I survived suicide! I survived a life of negativity. Why? The only logical explaination I can come up with is that I am meant to THRIVE and even more importantly reach BEYOND! I am meant to share my story so that others can survive themselves and know that if I can do it they certainly can. If you have done the work to survive your past regardless of what it held, be sure you are working toward thriving and living this life you have, to it's fullness without regret.
If we all accepted each other's strengths and weaknesses and stopped listening to the negative words that are thrown around, you would learn to enjoy your life much more. Remember if you don't hear the information direct from the source you honestly don't know the truth. Try believing in the positive and ignoring the negative for one week and I promise you your life will change for the better. Love you all!!
When we are born we have no reason to believe anyone or anything is going to hurt us. We trust with everything we know until the time comes when that trust is broken. Once this happens we begin questioning the intentions of things and ultimately others around us. Once trust is lost it is not easy to regain and tough to not project on even those who have never done anything to not trust them. It must be a conscious decision to put our past experiences behind us and to make a conscious effort to not make others pay for the actions of a few. It has to be as though after trust is lost with one person you are “re-born” in a sense and you can’t continue to hold everyone around you responsible for actions of a few. When you realize that once trust is lost it is not only the person who broke that trust you no longer believe it but you ultimately have lost trust for yourself in your judgement. Trust is freeing and as long as you are careful and you listen to your instincts so that you aren’t putting yourself in situations where those who have bad intentions have to access to take advantage, being able to trust is so much healthier than hold on to that negativity of not trusting and thinking everyone is out to harm you.
There is a huge difference between being alone and loneliness. We all need to be alone from time to time to get to know ourselves. When we spend time in silence with our own thoughts we truly get to know who we are. If you can be content in your own presence then imagine how you are going to be with someone else. The key is to not allow yourself slip into loneliness. Loneliness is when you are alone and all you can think about is how empty you feel. It is not healthy to feel lonely because it can easily transition into depression. The healthy place to be is when you can sit in a room alone and not feel that you are. You are able to sit in silence and enjoy your thoughts and the silence in itself. Strive to be happy alone. If you can’t be alone with yourself why would anyone else want to be. Think about that.
I want to discuss Post Traumatic Stress and how it feels as though our souls have been stolen after a traumatic event. There are of course various levels of Trauma but no one can really say that one level is easier than another. It truly depends on a multitude of variables and it really isn’t anyone’s place to determine how each traumatic event will effect each person. Two people can go through the exact same event at the exact same time and each will process it all differently. No one person has the knowledge or power to determine another persons thoughts or emotions. Everyone of us is unique and need to process things in our own way. For society to tell us we need to just accept something and get over it isn’t realistic in a lot of cases.
I battled with PTSD myself after I was raped at the age of 12. I repressed the incident so that I wouldn’t have to face the truth and continue to relive the act over and over in my nightmares. This is how I dealt with the trauma and it almost killed me as I dealt with suicidal thoughts and attempted, thankfully I failed. The one thing in my life I can honestly say today that I am proud of being a failure at. Those thoughts can really get the better of you and for those not having them you have no way of comprehending what it is like. The only way I can try and describe it would be like this… Have you ever had a recording of something you hated play over and over and you couldn’t get the player to shut off? You feel anxious because you want it to stop but it just continues no matter what you do? It is kind of like that but the voices or images are inside your head and there is no off button to push, or power cord you can pull. Think of it like those battling with those voices and images in their head finally have enough and they make suicide their disconnection from the ultimate power source of life. Typically, they resort to these measures because they believe there is no other way to get them to stop and no one can possibly understand what they are going through. Those battling with memories of a traumatic event, continue to replay that event over and over in their minds because their brain is trying to resolve the issue and can’t change the outcome. They are the star of their own personal thriller movie in their minds and they are often scared to share with anyone for fear that no one will believe them or will believe they are weak.
No matter why, it is wrong that they should be made to feel they are the ones that did anything wrong. They need to be ensured that they are loved and that they will not be judged for the acts of others choices or even their own in some cases. Things that have happened in our past, whether that is yesterday or several years ago, can never be changed or taken back. We have to learn to acknowledge those events and history and accept who we are today. In order for us to overcome our past we have to put it in the past and not allow it to continue to tear us down in our present and definitely not let it hold us back from our future. We are on this journey together and we all need to help one another achieve the future that we were meant to have.
Always remember that as long as there is breath in your lungs and your heart is beating, you are alive! Live life while you can and be sure you are living it for yourself not just to please everyone else! If those around you aren’t on the same path it doesn’t make either of you right or wrong it just is you are living different lives! Time Live Yours To It’s Fullest!
In society today, I see a trend of people accepting less than they truly deserve and actually criticizing others for wanting more for themselves. Often they settle because of low personal self-esteem, insecurity, feeling damaged, or even out of fear of being alone. This behavior not only hurts the one doing the settling but ultimately hurts the one being settled for. This is wrong for everyone. We need to step back and evaluate ourselves. Ask ourselves why would we think so little of ourselves that we would be okay settling for something or someone we knew from the start wasn’t right for us. The important thing is to not ignore the red flags. If you see red flags in a situation be sure you are paying close attention to them and not just brushing them aside. We all have intuition we just rarely acknowledge it. If you are settling for a person in the end that person is and you will get hurt because one or both of you will eventually move on. Focus on your needs and be a little selfish as in the end you want to be with someone that wants you happy and you want them happy as well.