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New Beginnings happen anytime. Doesn’t always just mean a total restart. I look at Mondays as the opportunity as a weekly New Beginning. It is the day where I can put all the negativity of last week behind me and focus on the positives of my future. Don’t allow the negativity around you to take hold. Set one day a week, whatever day you choose, to be your day to begin a new. If you want it can be every morning if you like even. It’s Your Choice! Make It Happen!
When you grow up around others that would rather live in victim status rather than surviving their past you easily take on the role of an enabler. You become the one to try daily to empower them to be the best they can be regardless of their past. It is easy to watch yourself cover for these people for their behaviors instead of expecting them to overcome. You think you are doing what is right and what you are supposed to do but unfortunately it can be deadly to an addict for example. Enablers will cover for those they believe can’t defend themselves and in the process they empower them to get worse and worse and not learn to survive. It’s like the saying, ” Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.” If you see yourself enabling those around you then you need to look in the mirror and ask yourself are you really helping them or hurting them? You could be LOVING THEM TO DEATH!
Are you doing what you are meant to do or are you just going through the motions and doing what others tell you that you have to do? So many are ignoring their given talents and just doing what comes easiest instead of extending themselves a bit and being happier and get more out of what they are doing. When are you going to follow you passion and gifts? If you allow yourself to sell yourself short and just get by you will never know exactly what it is you could have become. Never sell yourself short, cause you have unlimited value. Reach for it and make it happen.
Each of us has different likes and dislikes. Some of us love the outdoor and anywhere there are trees and water. Others of us are more into the lights of the big city. Then there are others that would prefer sitting in the peace and quiet of a library. Whatever is your happy place, find it and be sure you are visiting as often as you can to bring happiness to your heart and soul.
Endometriosis is a disease that so many women live with and many not even realizing they have it. They live in pain or discomfort for years not even knowing why. I, myself was recently diagnosed after having unexplained coccyx pain that the doctors kept trying to explain away as being a bruise. It continued to get worse instead of healing and I demanded further tests. After a surgeon met with me and asked if I had ever been diagnosed with Endometriosis I finally had a name that I could start learning more about. Once I started researching I realized that other symptoms I had just thought were typical pain we as women just have to endure with “the curse.” This disease is not easily diagnosed and it is now believed that I have had this for over 20 years and now have Endometrial Hyperplasia. More tests including a Transvaginal Ultrasound and a biopsy of my uterus have been done. I am prepared for anything they find and just happy to know I was not just making this up in my head. I have endured more pain than I should have because I wasn’t aware of this disease but now that I know I want to share my experience so that others can get early diagnosis so they are able to get treatment or at least be sure their doctors take all the possible precautions early.
When will the time come when you say to yourself, “I acknowledge the past, however, I accept my present for what it is. My past will not dictate my future!” The moment you can do this, is the moment you will final loosen those chains that have held you back. We cannot truly move forward without acknowledging the past. Stop reliving it over and over. Once you learn the lessons you were meant to learn step out of those chains and be free to make the future you truly desire and were meant to live.
There are always going to be those people around that I call the chronic complainers. They have to go against the majority just to stand out and get attention. They would complain if they were to get everything they asked for. They are just starved for attention and they can’t just be satisfied with things as they are. You will not be able to change these people and the best way to handle them is to know that is who they are and just don’t engage or feed their complaints. Unfortunately, these types just carry negativity around with them and if you allow them to, they will bring that negativity to your life as well. Don’t enable them by feeding into their complaining. Just walk away and find a more peaceful situation.
What does tolerance mean? Why don’t more of us have the ability to tolerate? Tolerance is the ability to tolerate or accept things we don’t necessarily agree with. I would much rather be learning to tolerate things I cannot change about others and accepting everyone for their uniqueness. I have learned so much from people who have different views than my own. They may not change your views but they can definitely give a new prospective. Open your eyes and learn from the world around you and be tolerant of those that may not agree with you or them with you. As I say, “Agree to Disagree!”
In the recent years I have learned more from my past by acknowledging the impact it has had on me. I know now that by ignoring the past and burying it, all it does is hurt me more. I think of it like this, if you bury something living it does not die without putting up a fight. It will scratch and dig to try to uncover itself and the more you cover it up the angrier it gets. I learned that the best thing is to bring it out and address it by acknowledging how it impacts me today. The moment I started this process, my life has calmed so much and my future has actually been uncovered through it. Is that possible to uncover the past and actually find my future? I can only tell you that all the years I buried and tried to ignore the past that I was not proud of, were full of negative moments. The more I tried to “forget” the past the more it seemed to keep haunting me. Like an angry spirit that only wants to be set free and in the process it haunts others because it is not sure how else to be heard. Healing can only truly begin once you acknowledge those things that you are burying. It’s time for us all to achieve the positive future we were meant to be living. Not allowing the past to hold us down, while trying to drag us into that grave with it. It is time to LIVE and let the past move on.
Have you ever thought about why reptiles shed their skin? When the reptile grows it has to shed it’s skin to allow for the growth. We need to learn that as we ourselves grow we need to shed things in order to continue to grow. If we restrict ourselves by keeping these “skins” we will hurt ourselves or lose time by constraining the natural process of life. Let go of things that do not encourage and assist with your grow. If you have things or people in your life that seem to be holding you back you need to evaluate the relationship and determine if it can be “stretched” or do you just need to let it go and allow yourself that space to grow?
There is so much hate in the world today. I have this mission to help the world find positivity when I live in a world full of hate around me. So many either hate people because of their skin color, where they came from, how much money they make or even what their political views are. When will we stop living in hate. Remember the quote from Martin Luther King Jr, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” We have to learn to start appreciating the gifts each of us have and stop focusing on the darkness in others. If you don’t turn on the light you will remain in the dark. We have to learn to live through the hate with more positive energy and less negative. Hate thrives on hate so if we stop feeding it then it can’t thrive. Search out the Light in the Dark, it exists if you want to find it.
I don’t care what color your skin is, where your parents came from, or how much money is in your bank account. Every single one of us has a purpose in this world. We are one race, HUMAN. Each of us is diverse in our own special way. There is only one YOU. Embrace each others diversity. As I sit here writing this post, sitting no more than 6 feet from me are two gentlemen playing a very intense game of chess. The color of the their skin, their past traumas, or their status makes no difference. They are two diverse human beings enjoying a strategic game. It makes me smile to watch these two men enjoy a quiet night together. Just to think that 100 years ago these two men would not have been allowed to sit in a public place peacefully. It is amazing to me how far we have come yet I know know we have a very long way to go. I truly hope that when my grandchildren are my age they will be able to not even remember the time when our diversity was a bad thing. I want for them to not have to focus on the thought that any of us were better than the other, just that we are different and that is AMAZING!!
This is the perfect time of year to embrace the spirit of the season and remember that we are never truly alone. It can be tough to lose those we love and we start to feel sorry for ourselves when we think of them being gone. If you believe and embrace the spirits they will fill you with love that even while they were on earth they could never have shown you. Our spirits are stronger than our physical bodies. They are what get us through the tough times and when others past on they are still around us even when we don’t feel their presence. During the Holidays I believe their spirits are even stronger so take a moment and feel their presence and remember the love you had and will always have. Embrace The Spirit so that it can truly embrace you. HUGS
We have so much to learn from the stories of others. If you haven’t told yours there is someone out there waiting to hear it. We may believe we are alone and that no one would possibly want to hear our story but in actually there are others going through things that are similar to what we have and they can learn from us. If you are keeping your story secret you are hurting yourself as things that get buried that are still alive will only dig their way out and often won’t be happy for being buried alive. We have so much to learn from each other and learning from others stories can potentially help us to uncover our own.
As a mother of children who genetically inherited mental disorders they didn’t ask for or even deserve, I often feel this guilt for the choices I made. I know their pain as though it were my own even though I try to not enable them just because they are battling. They are strong at the core even though they feel they are victims at times. I often think of it like those who speak of the ghost pain after a limb is amputated, As a mother our children are an extension of ourselves and we do actually feel the pain they go through whether it is real to us or not. We will forever be connected to them but have to accept that they are a separate being and have to be allowed to make their own choices and experience their own failures. Love them but don’t love them to death.
I choose to live for the future. The past is only part of who I am and it is for sure a huge part of my foundation. However, it is not all of me and I will not allow it to consume me. We all have to acknowledge our past and accept our present but our future is where we are headed so why get stuck in the minutia of the negativity of the past that cannot be changed. We have a future and it is up to us how amazing it is.
Think of the ups and downs of life like heart beats. Some are stronger than others and during happiness it is different than during sadness but there is still a beat. We need the peaks and valleys or else we flat line. Even though we don’t like the low moments we have to remind ourselves that it is only a moment. Next thing you know life bounces back up and you are on your way up again. This is the heartbeat of life and without it we are dead. Enjoy the beats and blimps.
So many of us build walls in order to protect us from our past. The problem is that this actually can do the opposite and it can prevent us from moving toward our future. These walls that are meant to be made temporary and not allowed to encompass us entirely. All too often those who built these walls get comfortable behind them. They end up becoming trapped behind that which they built to protect them. It is natural to want to never be hurt again after you survive, but by projecting on to the world the acts of specific people or events all you do is close yourself off from the love and good that you should be allowing yourself. Do not allow yourself to remain the victim forever. Allow yourself the time and then be sure to start healing. The longer you build that wall the thicker it will become and the more difficult to tear down.
Why when trauma happens to us do we continue to carry the burden of these acts for a lifetime? Why can’t we acknowledge these acts as what they are, the past and it can’t be changed? The images continue to pop in our heads, we have horrible nightmares, we shut ourselves off from others, and in the worst cases we take our own lives. Why? Why do we insist on carrying the burden of the past? Sometimes this is because we don’t believe we have another option. Other times is because we don’t speak out for fear of having to relive the acts. Let me tell you from my own personal experience, carrying the burden hurts us worse than the acts did. In most cases it tears us down mentally and then our inner voice tries to fight back and get our attention. Then the bad thoughts start setting in. Regardless of the acts and the trauma, it is very important to give your inner voice an outlet. Stop carrying the burden of the past that you cannot possibly change. Speak out and learn the lessons from the past and make sure it never happens again. Maybe you can even save these acts from happening to others because you were able to make others aware of the possibilities. Fight back and stop carrying the burdens of your past.
I have written about my history and the fact that I was molested and then raped when I was young. I have not spoken about how that man stole my soul as it was as a young girl. That very first incident changed my life forever and this man stole that from me. Do we as a society think about this as much as we think about the acts themselves? Innocent souls are stolen by the predators and when they are caught they are given unimaginably short sentences after giving a life sentence to their victims. The victims are shamed and often, like myself, don’t speak out. In my case, I blocked my trauma out for 5 years and during that time had self-hate and harm. I thought about suicide many time and actually attempted, just wanting to go to sleep and stop the inner voice from continuing to tell me horrible things about myself. My inner voice hated that I didn’t get her justice and couldn’t understand why I wasn’t getting help or why I wasn’t making sure the man that stole our innocence got punished. When I finally allowed myself to remember the rape again 5 years after, I promised myself I would never be silent about this again.
As a society, we tell children that sex is bad and that it is not something we talk about. Even this is wrong. We need to stop stigmatizing the act of sex and put the focus on the fact that these people that do these acts to children are predators and need to be given as extreme of consequences as they impose on their victims. These predators steal the souls of their victims and need to be punished as such.
10 TIPS TO OVERCOMING N-E-G-A-T-I-V-I-T-Y
You can purchase a signed copy here. This price includes the signing and all shipping costs. This book has been written to give us 10 simple steps to overcoming negativity. We all have negativity forced upon us or attract it because it is all we have known. This book is a simple, easy to ready guidebook to show us how if we put the necessary work in, we do not have to be stuck with the negativity. If we identify how the negativity is impacting our mental and physical being, we can change it and ultimately overcome it. Are you ready to overcome the negativity and enjoy the positivity?
Be sure you know the signs for the sake of yourself and those you love…
National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255
We hear so often we have to love ourselves so that we can truly love others and be loved by others. What does it mean to love ourselves however? This means you have to accept that you are the person you are meant to be and that there will be people that don’t appreciate who we are but that is not something you need to focus so much on. Be sure that when you find the person you love that you don’t allow others to tell you that it is wrong for you to be who you love. Love is different for each of us but never forget you wake with yourself and you fall asleep with yourself as well. Love You!
This journey from Survivor to Thriver and Then Beyond, is in no way easy but it is truly within reach of each of us. Myself, I am between the Survivor and Thriver Stages and I work every day to take the necessary steps to keep moving more forward that backward. This road is often bumpy and there are many days I just think "Maybe I am good with just being a survivor. Why do I need to thrive anyway and is the beyond really that amazing? I am happy as I am now. Why do I need to keep pushing myself?"
The simple answer to all this is: I am meant to do MORE! My journey hasn't ended so why should I just stop working to achieve the ultimate life I am meant to live? I survived sexual abuse! I survived suicide! I survived a life of negativity. Why? The only logical explaination I can come up with is that I am meant to THRIVE and even more importantly reach BEYOND! I am meant to share my story so that others can survive themselves and know that if I can do it they certainly can. If you have done the work to survive your past regardless of what it held, be sure you are working toward thriving and living this life you have, to it's fullness without regret.
If we all accepted each other's strengths and weaknesses and stopped listening to the negative words that are thrown around, you would learn to enjoy your life much more. Remember if you don't hear the information direct from the source you honestly don't know the truth. Try believing in the positive and ignoring the negative for one week and I promise you your life will change for the better. Love you all!!
When we are born we have no reason to believe anyone or anything is going to hurt us. We trust with everything we know until the time comes when that trust is broken. Once this happens we begin questioning the intentions of things and ultimately others around us. Once trust is lost it is not easy to regain and tough to not project on even those who have never done anything to not trust them. It must be a conscious decision to put our past experiences behind us and to make a conscious effort to not make others pay for the actions of a few. It has to be as though after trust is lost with one person you are “re-born” in a sense and you can’t continue to hold everyone around you responsible for actions of a few. When you realize that once trust is lost it is not only the person who broke that trust you no longer believe it but you ultimately have lost trust for yourself in your judgement. Trust is freeing and as long as you are careful and you listen to your instincts so that you aren’t putting yourself in situations where those who have bad intentions have to access to take advantage, being able to trust is so much healthier than hold on to that negativity of not trusting and thinking everyone is out to harm you.
Is there such a thing as a “Plug n Play Relationship” out there? One where two people have exactly what each other are made for without any modifications at all? I say “NO”, and that is perfectly okay. The problem is that people expect each other to be who they are today and remain that person for the rest of their lives. Or the other happens, and they are upset because they do not “changed” the way they expect them to. We change every single day and unless the two people change in the exact same way at the exact same pace they will never be the same to each other down the road. Then people get upset at each other for not being who they were and that is unreasonable. None of us are the same people we were yesterday much less 10, 20, 50 years from now. You either accept the person each of you have become or you accept that you are not compatible as you once were and you agree to part ways. There is no such thing as the “Plug n Play Relationship” that just continues to fit perfectly over and over. Be okay with that and communicate with each other. The worse thing you can do is hide the fact that your wants and desires have changed over time, or try to be something that someone else wants you to be and then find later you can’t be that. Resentment then sets in and one or both parties feel they have been misled as to who you are. Nothing is Plug n Play so just be yourself and be open with yourself and those around you as to your weaknesses and flaws. Once you are able to acknowledge them you are able to work on them and being open with others will have the opportunity to work with you or decide if they like you only as you are or they want they same thing for you and will help you to grow. Never expect that Plug n Play is what you want, because you have to know things today are not as they will be tomorrow. Be ready to adapt and there may not be an adapter for everyone in your life when change happens.
What is Independence exactly? The act of being free of outside control, self-government, separation, sovereignty, freedom and so much more, right?! To become independent we gain control of ourselves and our own actions. We become strength within ourselves and then are able to combine our independence with others and become an even stronger power. It is when we are dependent on others that we are weak and allow ourselves to be taken advantage of and at times abused. Becoming independent does not mean you are shutting out those around you, but are taking control of your own actions and choosing to not blame others for your choices when they do not go as planned. With independence comes ultimate freedom from allowing the action of others to dictate the outcome of our own lives. Things will happen in our lives that we are not able to control but with independence we are able to analyze those moments and determine how we are going to allow them to impact our future. It is within our control and when you are able to stop being the victim of other people’s mistakes and truly become self-aware and in control of your own destiny only then we can gain our true Independence and be Free.
There is a huge difference between being alone and loneliness. We all need to be alone from time to time to get to know ourselves. When we spend time in silence with our own thoughts we truly get to know who we are. If you can be content in your own presence then imagine how you are going to be with someone else. The key is to not allow yourself slip into loneliness. Loneliness is when you are alone and all you can think about is how empty you feel. It is not healthy to feel lonely because it can easily transition into depression. The healthy place to be is when you can sit in a room alone and not feel that you are. You are able to sit in silence and enjoy your thoughts and the silence in itself. Strive to be happy alone. If you can’t be alone with yourself why would anyone else want to be. Think about that.
I want to discuss Post Traumatic Stress and how it feels as though our souls have been stolen after a traumatic event. There are of course various levels of Trauma but no one can really say that one level is easier than another. It truly depends on a multitude of variables and it really isn’t anyone’s place to determine how each traumatic event will effect each person. Two people can go through the exact same event at the exact same time and each will process it all differently. No one person has the knowledge or power to determine another persons thoughts or emotions. Everyone of us is unique and need to process things in our own way. For society to tell us we need to just accept something and get over it isn’t realistic in a lot of cases.
I battled with PTSD myself after I was raped at the age of 12. I repressed the incident so that I wouldn’t have to face the truth and continue to relive the act over and over in my nightmares. This is how I dealt with the trauma and it almost killed me as I dealt with suicidal thoughts and attempted, thankfully I failed. The one thing in my life I can honestly say today that I am proud of being a failure at. Those thoughts can really get the better of you and for those not having them you have no way of comprehending what it is like. The only way I can try and describe it would be like this… Have you ever had a recording of something you hated play over and over and you couldn’t get the player to shut off? You feel anxious because you want it to stop but it just continues no matter what you do? It is kind of like that but the voices or images are inside your head and there is no off button to push, or power cord you can pull. Think of it like those battling with those voices and images in their head finally have enough and they make suicide their disconnection from the ultimate power source of life. Typically, they resort to these measures because they believe there is no other way to get them to stop and no one can possibly understand what they are going through. Those battling with memories of a traumatic event, continue to replay that event over and over in their minds because their brain is trying to resolve the issue and can’t change the outcome. They are the star of their own personal thriller movie in their minds and they are often scared to share with anyone for fear that no one will believe them or will believe they are weak.
No matter why, it is wrong that they should be made to feel they are the ones that did anything wrong. They need to be ensured that they are loved and that they will not be judged for the acts of others choices or even their own in some cases. Things that have happened in our past, whether that is yesterday or several years ago, can never be changed or taken back. We have to learn to acknowledge those events and history and accept who we are today. In order for us to overcome our past we have to put it in the past and not allow it to continue to tear us down in our present and definitely not let it hold us back from our future. We are on this journey together and we all need to help one another achieve the future that we were meant to have.
There is a huge difference between Limiting and Empowering Beliefs. When all you do is allow yourself to be run by your limiting beliefs you are held back and can never achieve anywhere close to your full potential. When limiting beliefs take hold they become obstacle to overcome, but if we focus on the positives and the empowering beliefs, the sky is the limit. Embracing the positives can take you to heights you had never imagined when you listen to your limiting beliefs you get held back. Focus on your positives and let your empowering beliefs allow you to soar.
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We just can’t please everyone! Ultimately the only person you should be pleasing is yourself. If by pleasing yourself you don’t happen to please others around you in return then that isn’t all your responsibility. If you are being a good person and treating others with respect and are pleasing yourself in the process then it isn’t your job to make everyone else happy. You are and always will have yourself so be sure you are taking care of you. In the end if you please yourself you will attract people with the same goals and desires. You will attract people who want to treat you as you treat yourself and in return how you treat them.
Who is your support system? When you need to talk, vent, cry, get advice, etc. Who do you reach out to? We all need someone to turn to at times. Make sure those you have in you support system truly have your best interests in mind. We often have people in our lives that until the time comes that we truly need them they tell us they will be there for us while taking from us everyday. Then the day comes when we need that support returned and they are nowhere to be found. Be sure you are surrounding yourself with those who will give support as much as they take it. Be certain you are able to trust that they have your best interest in mind and that you have theirs as well. Having a solid support system is crucial in feeling secure and confident in yourself.
What is it depression? A feeling of loneliness? A feeling of there being no hope and not being able to change what has been done? It is a feeling no one wants but just about everyone has experienced at some level in their life. Some of us have been able to get through it, some of us have not. For a certain percentage of people, it was too much to handle and they cut there life short. For others they are still fighting it. It’s a long battle and some start to feel it’s a war they are losing but they are keeping their head up and thinking positive.
Then there are the strong ones who were able to see the good things in life and pull themselves out of it and move on. They put a smile on their face and said it is staying there no matter what happens. We can all hope we are these lucky ones that can pull themselves out of it. Some things are just too difficult to pull yourself out of for some. Death of someone held close to the heart or the loss of a loved one due to break up or divorce can be things that are just too much to pull yourself out of. Bullying and shame will cause people to do things out of desperation as well.
The key to pulling yourself out is knowing no matter what situation you are in, you have support groups. Some lean towards music, others lean towards their friends. Then there are those that have lost all friend or family support and can’t find happiness in music so what do they lean toward? Counseling or psychiatry is always a good choice. Your counselor and/or psychiatrist should know somewhere that can get you help or they personally may know how to help. The key is do not give up; suicide is never the option. No matter what you may think, your death will affect someone. There is always someone, somewhere that cares about you, whether it is a friend, family, or someone you would never have thought of. DEATH IS NEVER AN OPTION TO FIX DEPRESSION.
Remember your life matters and if you are having suicidal thoughts or know someone who is call your local Suicide Prevention Hotline. There is always someone out there that wants to listen.
No one has the right to take your future. Your future is yours to make of it as you choose. No one has the right to take that from you. If you have been a victim of someone else’s evil, it’s time to take control of your future now. Yes it hurts. Yes you can’t just forget about it. No they had no right to do what they did to you and they need to not be allowed to be continued to have that power over you. I know it hurts. I know you may even blame yourself in parts. The only blame you need to put on yourself is if you allow the actions of another to permanently break your spirit. That person took from you but heal and then grow from it. Speak out and speak out loud.
We all have to learn to “Clear the Filters” at times just to be sure we are making decisions from and clear space. How do you clear the filters? That is dependent on your needs. Each of us has to have our own process. For me it is getting out in nature and just enjoying peace and quiet with my camera. I call this my Camera Therapy. What do you do to just clear your mind? Think of your mind like a computer and clear that cache regularly so that it doesn’t slow down your processor. If you need to talk to find your process feel free to let me know. I would love to help you with that.
Hi My Amazing VixTalks Family,
I have revised and released B-A-B-Y-S-T-E-P-S To A Positive Life on Amazon. There is the Kindle version and the Paperback available for purchase. I would be honored if you would take a look and purchase a copy either for yourself or for someone you feel may need a little guidance to letting their past go. If you would like a copy signed please let me know and we can make arrangements to get you a signed copy. Thank you all for your continued support and keep your eyes out for the next book to be released later this year. HUGS, Vix
With Social Media actually have to leave their homes to interact with others. Is it really the same as it use to be though? There is a huge difference between making friends in the flesh and making friends online. Think about this, when you make friends online you can only get online to chat when you want to present the persona you present online. In real life if you are going to have friends they have to accept you for good or bad. You actually have to learn to socialize under various conditions. Now the only way this changes online is if you pledge to be authentic 100% of the time. Just be yourself regardless of circumstances. We have learned to socialize online and hide behind the keyboard. Is this REAL? That to me is the negative to Socializing now versus how we had to do it before Social Media. Just always be true to yourself and then Social Media only expands your networking.
There are various level of friendship and they do not all have to same levels of commitment or caring at all. If you meet someone and you have an instant connection with that person you may feel that it is because they are meant to be your friend forever. This is not always the case. Sometimes that energy you initially feel is the pull of the negative and positive energy of two people. This could be a good thing and in the end it could actually turn out that that was a sign of two energies fighting to find their strength and power source. A negative can drain a positive and a positve can power a negative. We just never truly know until we give the friendship the time it needs to work through all the highs and lows. A positive energy is naturally drawn to the negatives. It is their mission to give power to those in need but they can over do it at times and find themselves in a very dark negative relationship and then not know how to get away and regain their positive energy. Negativity is like a Cancer and can spread throughout us and then to those near us if not addressed.
Always take the proper amount of time to evaluate every friendship you have. There is nothing wrong with taking a stand for yourself and implementing firm boundaries. These boundaries are necessary at times to keep you grounded and of clear mind in order to make sure that you have the right people in your life. Our true friends will understand and have boundaries of their own.
A Guilty Conscience can create a negative mind. Ever noticed that when someone has done something or is thinking of doing something they can get very negative. They start projecting that negativity on those around them and will even accuse others of making bad decisions so that they take the focus off of themselves. Why do we feel this is alright to treat others poorly because we have made bad choices of our own? Does it really change the fact that you have made those bad decisions yourself? Take ownership of your poor choices and don’t let your guilty conscience be the reason you become the negative in others lives. Acknowledge your mistakes and take responsibilty and then let that shit go. Your problems aren’t others’ problems. Put your guilty conscience to rest and treat other as you want to be treated.
I have been doing a lot of personal analysis on my past recently during my ultimate healing process. I realized that I seemed to have a lot of the same personalities around me. Most of which become habits that I am having a hard time breaking. I have a “Fixer” personality and I tend to want to help everyone I can. This can become a negative when a majority of the people are broken themselves. I realized this is an unhealthy habit as these people are broken in their own way. Old Habits are tough to break. In order to break them you have to truly recognize them and want to let them go. You may not even realize you are doing something until it is too late and then you sit back and notice the comparison to things you had done in the past. The goal is that once you recognize the pattern you address it and check what you can or get away from it completely if that is what is necessary.
Are you one of those people that always has to make everyone happy even when you hurt yourself at times? You can’t stand seeing others sad so you give anything it takes to make them happy? It is a great thing that you have a big heart and you want to take care of others but there always needs to be a balance. If you are always giving, in time you have nothing left for yourself. In this process you lose yourself and if you lose yourself then how can anyone who cares about you truly be happy. Making you happy first needs to be priority and those who truly care for you will understand. When they don’t is when you need to be stepping back and evaluating things. Are they that unhappy or are they just selfish?
I am a huge component of Constructtive Criticism. There is a difference between Constructive Criticism and Descructive Criticism. The root of those Adjectives tell a lot about the intent of the Criticism. Constructive is exactly that, intent is to build up. Where as Destructive does the exact opposite, it is intended to tear down the one receiving the feedback. Now think about those two words a bit and tell me which would you rather be the recipient of. Personally I am pushing for much more CONSTRUCTION in this world. We need to be building one another up instead of tearing each other down. Choose your words wisely. Maybe even say them to yourself before to others. Listen for yourself how the words make you feel. Do they make you feel like you want to try making the change or do they just make you sad or even angry? Let’s work on building each other up and building a more positive society.
Have you ever really thought about what a “doormat” is used for? It is a mat placed in an entryway, on which people can wipe their feet on upon entering. when it comes to people however, this term is also used in regards to submissive people who allow others to dominate them. They allow others to walk on them as though they were laid on the ground for others to wipe their feet on. This is not any way to live or be treated. We all have value and worth. To be walked on as though you don’t matter is never a healthy feeling. All too often these people become “doormats” as a result of low self-esteem or trauma in their lives. They believe that they don’t deserve to be treated better. Or they feel it is the only way people will love them. Love yourself and never allow others to treat as though your life isn’t equal to theirs. Take control and demand equal respect from those around you. We each have our purpose on this earth and to be used as a human doormat is not your purpose. Stand tall and be strong. Demand what you truly deserve and never let another person treat you any differently. If someone needs something to walk on, tell them they can buy a DOORMAT at the local hardware store.
I made a huge break through the other day in my healing. I acknowledged a weakness in myself that I believe is going to help me to truly let go of a little more of my past. I have a pattern of allowing people in my life that control me through manipulation. It is typically people who are insecure with themselves and they find by tearing down my self-confidence they gain power over me, hence in return “holding me down”. I realized this is a metaphor for my past and the way I have programmed myself to survive. This I have realized is all tied back to my rape and the act of being physically “held down” during it. I see that I have learned to accept this behavior out of habit. By now acknowledging this about myself, I truly believe this is the next step I need to continue this path of healing that I am on. I refuse to allow myself to be “held down” by others any longer. I know my worth and I know that I have much to share with this world. I will no longer allow the weakness of others to become my weakness. It is an amazing feeling, when you can start to see things in your life clearly and be able to learn the lessons of our past instead of allowing them to HOLD US DOWN!!