A Guilty Conscience can create a negative mind. Ever noticed that when someone has done something or is thinking of doing something they can get very negative. They start projecting that negativity on those around them and will even accuse others of making bad decisions so that they take the focus off of themselves. Why do we feel this is alright to treat others poorly because we have made bad choices of our own? Does it really change the fact that you have made those bad decisions yourself? Take ownership of your poor choices and don’t let your guilty conscience be the reason you become the negative in others lives. Acknowledge your mistakes and take responsibilty and then let that shit go. Your problems aren’t others’ problems. Put your guilty conscience to rest and treat other as you want to be treated.
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I have been doing a lot of personal analysis on my past recently during my ultimate healing process. I realized that I seemed to have a lot of the same personalities around me. Most of which become habits that I am having a hard time breaking. I have a “Fixer” personality and I tend to want to help everyone I can. This can become a negative when a majority of the people are broken themselves. I realized this is an unhealthy habit as these people are broken in their own way. Old Habits are tough to break. In order to break them you have to truly recognize them and want to let them go. You may not even realize you are doing something until it is too late and then you sit back and notice the comparison to things you had done in the past. The goal is that once you recognize the pattern you address it and check what you can or get away from it completely if that is what is necessary.
Are you one of those people that always has to make everyone happy even when you hurt yourself at times? You can’t stand seeing others sad so you give anything it takes to make them happy? It is a great thing that you have a big heart and you want to take care of others but there always needs to be a balance. If you are always giving, in time you have nothing left for yourself. In this process you lose yourself and if you lose yourself then how can anyone who cares about you truly be happy. Making you happy first needs to be priority and those who truly care for you will understand. When they don’t is when you need to be stepping back and evaluating things. Are they that unhappy or are they just selfish?
I am a huge component of Constructtive Criticism. There is a difference between Constructive Criticism and Descructive Criticism. The root of those Adjectives tell a lot about the intent of the Criticism. Constructive is exactly that, intent is to build up. Where as Destructive does the exact opposite, it is intended to tear down the one receiving the feedback. Now think about those two words a bit and tell me which would you rather be the recipient of. Personally I am pushing for much more CONSTRUCTION in this world. We need to be building one another up instead of tearing each other down. Choose your words wisely. Maybe even say them to yourself before to others. Listen for yourself how the words make you feel. Do they make you feel like you want to try making the change or do they just make you sad or even angry? Let’s work on building each other up and building a more positive society.
Have you ever really thought about what a “doormat” is used for? It is a mat placed in an entryway, on which people can wipe their feet on upon entering. when it comes to people however, this term is also used in regards to submissive people who allow others to dominate them. They allow others to walk on them as though they were laid on the ground for others to wipe their feet on. This is not any way to live or be treated. We all have value and worth. To be walked on as though you don’t matter is never a healthy feeling. All too often these people become “doormats” as a result of low self-esteem or trauma in their lives. They believe that they don’t deserve to be treated better. Or they feel it is the only way people will love them. Love yourself and never allow others to treat as though your life isn’t equal to theirs. Take control and demand equal respect from those around you. We each have our purpose on this earth and to be used as a human doormat is not your purpose. Stand tall and be strong. Demand what you truly deserve and never let another person treat you any differently. If someone needs something to walk on, tell them they can buy a DOORMAT at the local hardware store.
I made a huge break through the other day in my healing. I acknowledged a weakness in myself that I believe is going to help me to truly let go of a little more of my past. I have a pattern of allowing people in my life that control me through manipulation. It is typically people who are insecure with themselves and they find by tearing down my self-confidence they gain power over me, hence in return “holding me down”. I realized this is a metaphor for my past and the way I have programmed myself to survive. This I have realized is all tied back to my rape and the act of being physically “held down” during it. I see that I have learned to accept this behavior out of habit. By now acknowledging this about myself, I truly believe this is the next step I need to continue this path of healing that I am on. I refuse to allow myself to be “held down” by others any longer. I know my worth and I know that I have much to share with this world. I will no longer allow the weakness of others to become my weakness. It is an amazing feeling, when you can start to see things in your life clearly and be able to learn the lessons of our past instead of allowing them to HOLD US DOWN!!
True Love is like a drug. You think about nothing but getting your next fix. You can’t get enough of it and you are constantly focused on how you can get more. Just the thought of losing it hurts. Your thoughts are clouded and you have poor judgement on what else is important. You truly have to be strong and be sure to not get completely lost in the feeling or you can easily lose touch of the outside world. You can feel as though nothing but this feeling is worth having and you can easily get addicted to the high. Be sure you are not losing touch with the things outside of that love that have importance as well. Once the high ends you have to proceed with everyday life remember. Be sure to keep grounded to reality while enjoying the intense high of something not everyone experiences.
How do you keep going when the ones you love so much can’t help but hurt you? How do you keep loving those who are sick and make you the target when they are hurting? These are the questions I have been asking myself for most of my life! Having family and friends with mental illness is tough! You know they are sick but you also know you do not deserve to be the target of all their anger! You try and try to help but once this cycle ends you just work to restrengthen in order to prepare for the next! Mental Illness robs us of the true love of these family members and friends!
When will the system start helping these people? Why do we not see how bad this is and how many areas this matter effects? I appeal to those in power to open their eyes and start addressing the one core problem to so many of our issues in society! Drugs are used to self-medicate, crimes are committed by people doing drugs, untreated mental illness is responsible for a large percentage of violence, crime, and homeless! Addressing Mental Health could truly assist with so much of the negativity we are dealing with in society today! LET’S GET THEM AND THEIR FAMILIES THE HELP THEY SO DESPERATELY REQUIRE!
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Do you know people that have their own version of reality? Those people who can take an experience and totally twisting it around and distort reality in order to make themselves look better. These people tend to have to create an alternate reality in order to boost themselves up. They can truly make themselves believe their own version and make others believe that reality as well. You have to truly protect yourself from these people and make sure that you are firmly grounded and know that you will often have to determine what is reality and what is fantasy with these people. I am not saying to cut these people out of your life but you do need to be sure you watch yourself around them and make sure that you are not the target of there fantasies.
Are you sitting on the “make a huge decision in your life” fence? I know I battle with this often and have had to throw caution to the wind and just take a leap of faith! Actually believing in myself, not simply doing what I have always done. Taking a Leap of Faith means that you have to trust your gut. Not rely on your brain or your heart, because both of these have their own walls that will prevent us from truly letting go and making new things happen. By throwing caution to the wind you can truly live the life that is meant to be. Not just the “I am safe” version of life that your brain and heart agree you are able to handle. Push your limits and take a risk at times. That Leap of Faith could very well be the most amazing future you could never have imagined.
I recently reread the following article “Here’s Why You’re Having Bad Sex” and wanted to share my thoughts on it with you. First take a moment to read through his article and then come back and I will continue…See you back soon! www.attn.com/stories/4597/nev-schulman-casual-sex-tips?utm_source=nevschulman&utm_medium=fbpost&utm_campaign=influencer by Nev Schulman
Welcome Back! Hope you enjoyed the article. Now here are my thoughts, first of all let me say that I feel that society needs to back the hell off this hypocrisy that men can have sex as often or with whomever they want but women can only do it when they are in a committed relationship. If a woman feels she can emotionally handle the ramifications of having casual sex with multiple partners that is absolutely her decision. However, she has to accept that men and women are just built differently. Even when you think you can control your emotions, actually you have no control of them whatsoever. You may end up feeling empty and alone after you have a one night stand and beating yourself up. Now you are totally confused because you probably didn’t really like the guy past just attraction and lust. You are going to battle with yourself because your hormones may not know the difference. Hormones are going to elevate and get you questioning your initial thoughts. You are also going to start worrying what others are going to think of you. Let me say right now…WHO GIVES A SHIT!! No one but you lives your life and if you made the choice it is your choice to live with. No one else has the right to judge you for it. My hope is that one day society will accept that Sex is Healthy for both genders. We both deserve to get these benefits and not feel guilty for it.
As for men and casual sex, I can honestly say I have seen a change in the way men in my age group view casual sex. Some are all about the casual and then just don’t know how to stop the desire for something new and stopping that feeling of they might miss out on something great if they stop with just one. They worry they will meet a freak in the sheets and then once they commit and become exclusive that freak will do the stereotypical, shutdown and start using sex to control them. This is what has to stop. Why do we as women feel it is right for us to use sex as a weapon instead of accepting it as a reward for both of us?
Be sure you are enjoying sex with your partner. That is truly what matters in the end. If you truly love having sex with your partner you will want to find time for the two of you whenever you possibly can have it. Keep that spark and it can be forever. No your relationship isn’t all about sex but SEX is an important glue in the intimacy of your relationship. Without intimacy, love will fizzle and potentially one partner, or both, will start looking for that spark elsewhere. If you truly love your partner make sure you keep those passion embers HOT.
Take pride in who you are today, no matter where you came from. Every single one of us has a past, some better than others. Some have gone through things none of the rest of us could even possibly imagine. Does this make them any worse or better than any of us? Our past is only part of our foundation for our future. Some go through things that are needed in order to strengthen them, for whatever reason. I know that sounds horrible that some people have to go through horrible experiences in order to be stronger but sometimes it is needed. Everything, in my opinion, happens for a reason. Take pride in the fact that you survived all that was thrown in your path and process it and make it all part of your solid foundation. We all started as helpless infants dependent on others to survive. Now it’s our turn to take pride in ourselves and rise above all that tried to keep us down.
Take a minute and look at yourself in the mirror. What feature do you see first? Do you see the good or bad first? Typically on average people will zero in on the things they don’t like about themselves first thing. If this is you, I want you to try something. Before you walk to the mirror think of the parts of yourself that you do like about yourself and tell yourself to focus on that part of you only. Don’t look at any other feature. Now acknowledge what it is about the feature that you are comfortable with. Now you have to think of another feature that you either like or just don’t dislike. Focus immediately on that feature. Repeat the cycle of telling yourself what it is you do like. Now I want you to think of the feature you hate the most about yourself. Go ahead, be real now. What feature do you have that you just hate? Now I want you to stare at that body part. Stare hard at it. Is there anything you can do to change that feature? Anything at all in your immediate power to make it better. I am guessing the answer is no or you would have already done something about it, right? Well I want you to remind yourself that we all have flaws and parts of us we can not change and that we do not like but there are also parts that we do. It is the great balance of life. Accept that you are unique and even your flaws are a gift because they make you different from someone else and that is a positive. If you can’t change it, Embrace it! Every part of you makes you the wonderful person you are and you have to love yourself for all that you are not just pieces of yourself. This will not change overnight but I want you to keep working on this every day. I tell you that you will start to see a difference in how you see yourself in time once you start accepting every part of you for being special to you!
When you give a gift you have no control over what the recipient does with the item! It is theirs to do with as they will and you have to let go! You have no rights to the future of said item and should in no way make the person feel they need to do what you want done with it! It is a gift to that person from you and that is all! I’ve talked to people who get upset when they give a gift and down the road the recipient decides to give it away and the giver gets upset! Once you give the person the gift you accept that they will do what is right for them in regards to that item! Just accept it!
If you are going to have dreams make them BIG DREAMS. Every step towards your goal needs to be significant and when you set your goals to small you don’t work as hard to reach them. If you Dream Bigger than you could ever imagine and work towards those dreams every day, even in small doses you will in time reach that end game but you can appreciate the steps along the way and truly appreciate when you reach it. Aim small and all you will end up doing is wondering if you could have gone further. Never limit your dreams. Set the limits higher than you can ever possibly imagine and never stop working toward that dream.
I have a serious question for you. Can you be bought? What amount of money would you sell your soul for? If you honestly have an amount that you were able to come up with, I am very sorry for you. Say No to Greed! There truly is no amount of money that can buy you absolutely everything you could want! Once you received the amount you think would suffice, would only want more. Are you willing to give up family and friends for money? Can money buy those things for you? True Family and Friends that is? I have given up a lot over the years just so that I could keep my own self-worth intact. There is no amount of money in this world that would tempt me to sell myself. I would rather have nothing and have my true family and friends and keep my integrity than to sell myself and be lost. Greed is a horrible negative so be sure you are saying, “No To Greed!”
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When money gets mistaken for love we really need to adjust our mindset! Money is great to pay the bills and buy material items but when we think it is more important than our self-respect we have to sit back and adjust our value in ourselves! If we start thinking money equals security even we are lost as well! How much are each of us worth? Are diamonds and furs truly important? Can we take them with us when we die? Will people remember us for them? If those people are only focused on that are they going to be there if that money were to suddenly be gone? With that said make sure we need to be focused on making memories and sharing ourself with those who love us and don’t honestly give a shit about how much we are financially worth but how we make them feel just being in our life! We can’t get love from a piece of paper or plastic! They don’t give hugs and can’t tell us they love us when we are just in need of that!
Do you listen when your inner voice is putting out red flags when you are in any type of relationship? All too often we ignore these red flags for fear of being alone or being thought of as too picky! We all know that no one person is perfect so there will never be a person you have everything in common with or they don’t have at least one trait that you grit your teeth or bite your tongue! This is normal but when there are many things and you find yourself making excuses or you find yourself getting upset with that person for something that is just part of who they are…instead of trying to change that person or continuing to allow the resentment grow maybe before it goes on too long, you need to walk away and set each other free! This may sound harsh but this world is full of bad marriages and angry people because people can’t identify and be honest from the beginning and then feelings get hurt the longer it goes on! Be strong and only accept the best for yourself and walk away from what you know isn’t!
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Never feel you are so far off course you can’t get back. You are not a train that has derailed and can’t be set back on track. You have the ability to upright and get back on the tracks or even onto another set of tracks with a more suitable destination. Never believe you are so far off course you can’t get back. Then again, maybe you are off course for a purpose and you are supposed to change tracks. Always remember to consider than if you keep falling off the same tracks.
Sometimes we care too much and open our hearts just to get them broken! This can either stop us in our tracks or it can give us the ability to expand our hearts, mend them and then have more space to take on much more! Take every opportunity to grow as a positive regardless of how it happened! You truly can never care too much, just be prepared that it may hurt at times but growing pains hurt! Embrace them!
Do you know what your true purpose is? Do you feel there is just something more to your life that you are missing? We all have a purpose and often we lose site of that due to events out of our controls or choices we didn’t realize the ramifications of in the moment!
We all need to, at some point in our lives, and sometimes this take a few times, to dig deep inside ourself to truly learn what it is we are meant to be/do! Take a moment right now and think about what your soul has been wanting but you just keep ignoring!
Do you ever get to points in your life where you feel all you have done until that point was only to prepare you for your future? Some of the people that were in your life were only there to strengthen you and show you what you didn’t want to be. We all have to learn to open our eyes and see those around us for who they are meant to be in our lives. Never feel that just because you are family or have been friends since you were children or your kids are friends with their kids that you “have” to keep those people in your life. If someone is toxic or only brings negative energy you have the right to remove them from your life with or without cause or explanation. Maybe these people surround themselves with others that are toxic and they choose to be around those people. If you feel that they bring that energy into your world via transference, you are perfectly in your right to walk away. We all have one life to live and we may regret some choices we make in a moment but we have to take risks at times to ensure a positive future. Without risk there is no reward. Be comfortable deleting the negative energy from your life in order for you to truly release yourself and make room for the amazing life you were meant to live.
Do you allow your past experiences to limit you future ones? Think about it. How often do you base your future choices off of past experiences? We all do it to varying degrees. There are definite moments that you need to not do this. Relationships are one of them. Now of course you know that if you don’t like certain traits in a person that is going to be taken into consideration, of course. How often do you ask someone, “What do you like to do?” “What are your favorite foods?” “What type of man/woman do you like?” Hell I will go as far as to say we hear, “What is your favorite sexual position?” from some people when getting to know them. Let me give you all a little advice. Pulling from the past to make your future better is fine but living from it only limits your possibilities. Whenever I am asked these types of questions I usually respond with, “I don’t know since I haven’t gotten to know you yet.” The moment you tell someone what you are looking for based on your past they will try and become that ideal and then stop being themself. This is why the first 3-6 of meeting someone new is wasted in some cases because people aren’t being themselves they are trying to become what that other person is looking for and then when they get comfortable and just be themselves they are told “You have changed” and things get tough. Stop limiting your possibilities based on what you’ve known. Learn to enjoy the adventure of what you haven’t known.
There comes that time in our lives that we have to spread our wings and become the person we were meant to be. This often results in the loss of people we thought would be there forever. When we grow we don’t all grow together we have to accept that your needs and goals may not be the same as those from your past. During this growth process we learn new things about ourselves and see things in a different light. Unfortunately, some may not agree with your choices and you may not agree with theirs. This is okay, it just means you are both growing and like the branches of the tree of life we go in different directions and often we don’t meet up again the same as we once had.
What an amazingly strong word for five letters. Trust is a word that all too often is so difficult to define but so utterly important in all types of relationships. To me the word trust has five components to it: Truth, Respect, Understanding, Strength, and Teamwork. Without this in our relationships we feel insecurity and weakness and this can breakdown any type of relationship over time. Building trust takes time and can be knocked over in a matter of a few moments if the foundation isn’t solid. Take pride in who you are and be sure that if you are requiring TRUST you give it in return. We are all equal and deserve to be treated as such especially in our relationships.
Every night that you see an amazing sunset is a positive sign that you got through your day no matter how much negativity was forced upon you. Then you get to start your day with an amazing sunrise to remind you that it is a brand new day full of new choices and opportunities. Make each moment count!
We all have them but they can only be used against us when we try to hide them! If we can learn to embrace them we can grow from them and yearn them into our strength! Be strong and learn to embrace that which you feel makes you weak!
Always remember that as long as there is breath in your lungs and your heart is beating, you are alive! Live life while you can and be sure you are living it for yourself not just to please everyone else! If those around you aren’t on the same path it doesn’t make either of you right or wrong it just is you are living different lives! Time Live Yours To It’s Fullest!
Knowing your limits and how much you can handle is the key to a long life. We can push ourselves but knowing our individual breaking points is very important. I tend to push myself to extremes at times and then once my energy is completely depleted do I get actually forced to recharge. We all have our breaking points and we truly have to know those limits. Sometimes it takes us crossing that line and other times we just need to get too damn close to it. Be in tune with your own inner voice and be sure to listen to it carefully. We can often take it for granted and ignore it and then we pay the price. All I am trying to say is, “Only You know YOU!” Don’t let others try to dictate what is best for you. Take control, just live with in your limits.
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Why can’t they approve tests for those who suffer with chemical imbalance like they do with diabetes or other chemical deficiencies? They should be able to test the chemical levels and know what they need at any given moment! Imagine if they could take a test like a diabetic. I know from experience with my son, they trial and error method is scary at times, especially with children that aren’t able to communicate how the medications are making them feel. If we were able to take a quick test and know they needed a specific chemical that day and then give them only that and not all the unnecessary crap that they get given. I know this isn’t as easy as I would like it to be but watching my son go through medically enduced rages and blackouts as a child was horrible and he was a very good communicator. I work with other parents that are trying to be their children’s advocate with the doctors and the school and the stories I hear bring me to tears. When will we truly get these battling with Mental Illness what they need to take control of their illness so they feel strong and less like a zombie because that is their only option today? Raise awareness and find the answers to truly support those in need.
September is Suicide Awareness Month and in honor of our Military Vets who take their own lives due to PTSD and other Mental Illness I want to take a moment to share some facts with all of you. Did you know that, “In 2013, the United States Department of Veterans Affairs released a study that covered suicides from 1999 to 2010, which showed that roughly 22 veterans were committing suicide per day, or one every 65 minutes. Some sources suggest that this rate may be under-counting suicides.” Now how is this right. These men and women give their lives for us and then because we don’t give them proper support and care they end up taking their own lives? This is so wrong and has got to change.
We put money into all the wrong things and have lost touch with humanity when we put thousands of dollars into fancy cars and huge houses, but we can’t give to those who have given their lives for us to even afford these things. WE have to start focusing on what is important and taking care of one another. When are we going to take this seriously. The statistics above tell a lot and we as a society have to start putting more into Mental Health and Suicide Prevention Awareness. Let’s take control and make a change. For more details on Mental Health and Suicide Prevention you can also check out NAMI.org. They are an organization wanting to do just that, make a change and spread awareness.
In society today, I see a trend of people accepting less than they truly deserve and actually criticizing others for wanting more for themselves. Often they settle because of low personal self-esteem, insecurity, feeling damaged, or even out of fear of being alone. This behavior not only hurts the one doing the settling but ultimately hurts the one being settled for. This is wrong for everyone. We need to step back and evaluate ourselves. Ask ourselves why would we think so little of ourselves that we would be okay settling for something or someone we knew from the start wasn’t right for us. The important thing is to not ignore the red flags. If you see red flags in a situation be sure you are paying close attention to them and not just brushing them aside. We all have intuition we just rarely acknowledge it. If you are settling for a person in the end that person is and you will get hurt because one or both of you will eventually move on. Focus on your needs and be a little selfish as in the end you want to be with someone that wants you happy and you want them happy as well.
How do you think of weakness? Do you see it as debilitating? Or do you embrace it and learn from it to empower you? If you allow it to tear you down then it can truly become a handicap. You have to break down those weaknesses and analyze them. Find the core and tackle it at the roots. Our weaknesses can become our great strengths when we acknowledge them.
Wow is it ever so important to search and find that place in your life that makes you feel content and happy. That place that you can go to when things are not making sense in your life that you can just relax your mind and body to search for answers. It may be different places for different times. Don’t think you can only have one “Happy Place!” It is perfectly fine to have a few that each individually inspires you in different ways. Be sure you are opening your heart and your mind when searching for that “perfect” place for YOU. If you only search with your eyes you may miss what you are truly searching for.
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Sometimes we just feel broken and that is normal. We aren’t always perfect. We can’t be superheroes all the time every day, every minute. We often have to step back and mend our cracks before we are completely disabled. I am broken but not unmendable. I am undestructible but not unbreakable.
This is for all my single readers primarily. Do you often hear the phrase, “Age is just a number” when meeting new people in the dating arena? I think about these 6 words quite often as I don’t agree that is is just a number. Now do I believe it is a make or break in a potential partner? Absolutely not! There is someone for everyone and every situation in our lives for sure. However, if you are very accomplished and have your share of experience you may look for a partner with similar experience. Well often, not always, with every day of age comes a day of experience right? So if you try to say that age is just a number then you are discounting the importance of the experiences that are acquire with every day you are alive! Myself, I appreciate every experience I am given and consider them a badge of honor that I either enjoyed them or even survived them. Never discount what you have learned with every day you are alive and continue to go out there and push yourself further and further to achieve so much more!!
Do you ever feel as though you don’t fit in with those around you? Do you feel like the weird one even in your own family because maybe you have a positive attitude or you are highly focused on your future? Ever wonder why those around you just keep repeating the same cycles over and over and can’t see their way out but keep making you feel as though you are the one that is wrong? That is because you my dear friends are the rat that got out of the maze and instead of them following in your foot steps and finding their way out as well they are comfortable and would rather just pulling you back in with them. Don’t allow them to make you feel you can’t survive outside the maze. Continue doing what you are doing and hope that in time they will see their way to the exit a well.
Are you being held hostage by your past? Do you feel that your hands are restrained and your mouth is taped? Afraid to call out for fear of your captor hearing you and coming in and beating you down again and again? We all have a past and we all have to stop fearing the repercussions of talking about it and what society may think or say about you. Your past is your past and once you overcome your past you can finally live your future out of captivity. SCREAM, PUNCH, FIGHT BACK…Stop allowing your past mistakes or torments to restrain you. You have a life to live and a story to tell. Never forget that your story may be the one that allows someone else the courage to fight back themselves. Be the Survivor NOT THE VICTIM!!!
We live in a world of negativity because the negatives seem to be easier and much more entertaining. When we watch the news or the television in general we will never be short of drama and suspense. We seem to accept it in everything we see and do, so it is just the easiest between negative or positive. It takes a lot of work to be positive in today’s society and often people just stop trying instead of working for it. Take a moment and be sure we are pointing out a positive to at least every two negatives and preferably to every one.
Independence is a scary thing for some and all about freedom for others. We all translate independence in our own way. Not only about our political views. Some see it as they want to make their own rules, others as they just want to live how they chose to live, and even those that just want to not depend on others. However, this word impacts you is unique to you and that is why it is so important to embrace it. Fight for what it is that you want but in the process respect those around you . They are as unique as you are and deserve the right to have their independence, their own way. Be sure you are opening your mind enough to the needs of others in the process of taking charge of your own life. Our Own Indepence is unique to each of us and should be embraced and cherished. LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE INDEPENDENTLY!
Even in a healthy loving relationship there can be moments of weakness. The important thing is open communication between one another. When I say “open communication” I mean, OPEN!! Each of you have to feel safe talking to one another about any thoughts you many have. Often in relationships one partner or the other considers cheating because over time their likes and needs change and they worry if they tell their partner they won’t accept it. Insecurities are a strong emotion and it can hurt a relationship without either partner knowing the other is dealing with it. If we truly love and accept one another we should be open to each others fantasies as well. Make sure your partner knows that you love them and you won’t judge them. I recommend that you open the communication that allows each other to feel they can voice your individual fantasies as though you were cheating with your partner. Talk openly with them as if they were a stranger at times and you are telling them things they never knew. Strangely at times it is the excitement that is needed in someone. If you role play and act as though you are dating for the very first time and that you have to keep it quiet or your partner (who is actually this person of course) will find out. Often people cheat only because they want to feel that excitement of a new relationship or to have someone to just listen to them and give them undivided attention so the feel heard. You may not agree with this thought process but from my experience with married people online, the two common things I hear is that they aren’t connected sexually with their partner (male and female) and that they just can’t communicate and tell them the fantasies they have for fear of them not understanding. As I said, Cheat with your Partner and allow them to tell you their inner fantasies no matter how intense. If you two can’t discuss these things and come to a common agreement how can you have passion and true connection. Get out there and Cheat With Your Partner and Be each other’s fantasies!
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I’m done living life to make others happy. This is my life to live. No one else has to be involved unless they choose to accept my choices and come along with me. If you aren’t onboard and don’t agree with my choices well guess what…We can agree to disagree and go our separate ways.
There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that you have out-grown relationships or passions. Our tastes change every seven years so it is very likely that you will grow away from some things and some people in your life. The healthiest way to handle this is to accept it. Remember that we don’t have to please everyone around us with our decisions. The only person in our lives we truly have to make happy is ourselves.
Now, I know some are going to say this is the most selfish way to live our lives and I just say, “Ok! And?” From the day we are born to the day we die the one person we have with us always is ourselves and the moment you realize you have to come first, you will start your journey to self-love. This in no way is to say that we need to be greedy, self-centered, or self-absorbed, but we have to be in touch with who we are as people and what our true likes and dislikes are in order to attract like minded individuals into our lives.
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