There is a huge difference between being alone and loneliness. We all need to be alone from time to time to get to know ourselves. When we spend time in silence with our own thoughts we truly get to know who we are. If you can be content in your own presence then imagine how you are going to be with someone else. The key is to not allow yourself slip into loneliness. Loneliness is when you are alone and all you can think about is how empty you feel. It is not healthy to feel lonely because it can easily transition into depression. The healthy place to be is when you can sit in a room alone and not feel that you are. You are able to sit in silence and enjoy your thoughts and the silence in itself. Strive to be happy alone. If you can’t be alone with yourself why would anyone else want to be. Think about that.
I want to discuss Post Traumatic Stress and how it feels as though our souls have been stolen after a traumatic event. There are of course various levels of Trauma but no one can really say that one level is easier than another. It truly depends on a multitude of variables and it really isn’t anyone’s place to determine how each traumatic event will effect each person. Two people can go through the exact same event at the exact same time and each will process it all differently. No one person has the knowledge or power to determine another persons thoughts or emotions. Everyone of us is unique and need to process things in our own way. For society to tell us we need to just accept something and get over it isn’t realistic in a lot of cases.
I battled with PTSD myself after I was raped at the age of 12. I repressed the incident so that I wouldn’t have to face the truth and continue to relive the act over and over in my nightmares. This is how I dealt with the trauma and it almost killed me as I dealt with suicidal thoughts and attempted, thankfully I failed. The one thing in my life I can honestly say today that I am proud of being a failure at. Those thoughts can really get the better of you and for those not having them you have no way of comprehending what it is like. The only way I can try and describe it would be like this… Have you ever had a recording of something you hated play over and over and you couldn’t get the player to shut off? You feel anxious because you want it to stop but it just continues no matter what you do? It is kind of like that but the voices or images are inside your head and there is no off button to push, or power cord you can pull. Think of it like those battling with those voices and images in their head finally have enough and they make suicide their disconnection from the ultimate power source of life. Typically, they resort to these measures because they believe there is no other way to get them to stop and no one can possibly understand what they are going through. Those battling with memories of a traumatic event, continue to replay that event over and over in their minds because their brain is trying to resolve the issue and can’t change the outcome. They are the star of their own personal thriller movie in their minds and they are often scared to share with anyone for fear that no one will believe them or will believe they are weak.
No matter why, it is wrong that they should be made to feel they are the ones that did anything wrong. They need to be ensured that they are loved and that they will not be judged for the acts of others choices or even their own in some cases. Things that have happened in our past, whether that is yesterday or several years ago, can never be changed or taken back. We have to learn to acknowledge those events and history and accept who we are today. In order for us to overcome our past we have to put it in the past and not allow it to continue to tear us down in our present and definitely not let it hold us back from our future. We are on this journey together and we all need to help one another achieve the future that we were meant to have.
I am a huge component of Constructtive Criticism. There is a difference between Constructive Criticism and Descructive Criticism. The root of those Adjectives tell a lot about the intent of the Criticism. Constructive is exactly that, intent is to build up. Where as Destructive does the exact opposite, it is intended to tear down the one receiving the feedback. Now think about those two words a bit and tell me which would you rather be the recipient of. Personally I am pushing for much more CONSTRUCTION in this world. We need to be building one another up instead of tearing each other down. Choose your words wisely. Maybe even say them to yourself before to others. Listen for yourself how the words make you feel. Do they make you feel like you want to try making the change or do they just make you sad or even angry? Let’s work on building each other up and building a more positive society.
Take pride in who you are today, no matter where you came from. Every single one of us has a past, some better than others. Some have gone through things none of the rest of us could even possibly imagine. Does this make them any worse or better than any of us? Our past is only part of our foundation for our future. Some go through things that are needed in order to strengthen them, for whatever reason. I know that sounds horrible that some people have to go through horrible experiences in order to be stronger but sometimes it is needed. Everything, in my opinion, happens for a reason. Take pride in the fact that you survived all that was thrown in your path and process it and make it all part of your solid foundation. We all started as helpless infants dependent on others to survive. Now it’s our turn to take pride in ourselves and rise above all that tried to keep us down.
Take a minute and look at yourself in the mirror. What feature do you see first? Do you see the good or bad first? Typically on average people will zero in on the things they don’t like about themselves first thing. If this is you, I want you to try something. Before you walk to the mirror think of the parts of yourself that you do like about yourself and tell yourself to focus on that part of you only. Don’t look at any other feature. Now acknowledge what it is about the feature that you are comfortable with. Now you have to think of another feature that you either like or just don’t dislike. Focus immediately on that feature. Repeat the cycle of telling yourself what it is you do like. Now I want you to think of the feature you hate the most about yourself. Go ahead, be real now. What feature do you have that you just hate? Now I want you to stare at that body part. Stare hard at it. Is there anything you can do to change that feature? Anything at all in your immediate power to make it better. I am guessing the answer is no or you would have already done something about it, right? Well I want you to remind yourself that we all have flaws and parts of us we can not change and that we do not like but there are also parts that we do. It is the great balance of life. Accept that you are unique and even your flaws are a gift because they make you different from someone else and that is a positive. If you can’t change it, Embrace it! Every part of you makes you the wonderful person you are and you have to love yourself for all that you are not just pieces of yourself. This will not change overnight but I want you to keep working on this every day. I tell you that you will start to see a difference in how you see yourself in time once you start accepting every part of you for being special to you!