All posts tagged Positivity
New Beginnings happen anytime. Doesn’t always just mean a total restart. I look at Mondays as the opportunity as a weekly New Beginning. It is the day where I can put all the negativity of last week behind me and focus on the positives of my future. Don’t allow the negativity around you to take hold. Set one day a week, whatever day you choose, to be your day to begin a new. If you want it can be every morning if you like even. It’s Your Choice! Make It Happen!
When you grow up around others that would rather live in victim status rather than surviving their past you easily take on the role of an enabler. You become the one to try daily to empower them to be the best they can be regardless of their past. It is easy to watch yourself cover for these people for their behaviors instead of expecting them to overcome. You think you are doing what is right and what you are supposed to do but unfortunately it can be deadly to an addict for example. Enablers will cover for those they believe can’t defend themselves and in the process they empower them to get worse and worse and not learn to survive. It’s like the saying, ” Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.” If you see yourself enabling those around you then you need to look in the mirror and ask yourself are you really helping them or hurting them? You could be LOVING THEM TO DEATH!
Are you doing what you are meant to do or are you just going through the motions and doing what others tell you that you have to do? So many are ignoring their given talents and just doing what comes easiest instead of extending themselves a bit and being happier and get more out of what they are doing. When are you going to follow you passion and gifts? If you allow yourself to sell yourself short and just get by you will never know exactly what it is you could have become. Never sell yourself short, cause you have unlimited value. Reach for it and make it happen.
Each of us has different likes and dislikes. Some of us love the outdoors and anywhere there are trees and water. Others of us are more into the lights of the big city. Then there are others that would prefer sitting in the peace and quiet of a library. Whatever is your happy place, find it and be sure you are visiting as often as you can to bring happiness to your heart and soul.
When will the time come when you say to yourself, “I acknowledge the past, however, I accept my present for what it is. My past will not dictate my future!” The moment you can do this, is the moment you will finally loosen those chains that have held you back. We cannot truly move forward without acknowledging the past. Stop reliving it over and over. Once you learn the lessons you were meant to learn step out of those chains and be free to make the future you truly desire and were meant to live.
There are always going to be those people around that I call the chronic complainers. They have to go against the majority just to stand out and get attention. They would complain if they were to get everything they asked for. They are just starved for attention and they can’t just be satisfied with things as they are. You will not be able to change these people and the best way to handle them is to know that is who they are and just don’t engage or feed their complaints. Unfortunately, these types just carry negativity around with them and if you allow them to, they will bring that negativity to your life as well. Don’t enable them by feeding into their complaining. Just walk away and find a more peaceful situation.
What does tolerance mean? Why don’t more of us have the ability to tolerate? Tolerance is the ability to tolerate or accept things we don’t necessarily agree with. I would much rather be learning to tolerate things I cannot change about others and accepting everyone for their uniqueness. I have learned so much from people who have different views than my own. They may not change your views but they can definitely give a new prospective. Open your eyes and learn from the world around you and be tolerant of those that may not agree with you or them with you. As I say, “Agree to Disagree!”
In the recent years I have learned more from my past by acknowledging the impact it has had on me. I know now that by ignoring the past and burying it, all it does is hurt me more. I think of it like this, if you bury something living it does not die without putting up a fight. It will scratch and dig to try to uncover itself and the more you cover it up the angrier it gets. I learned that the best thing is to bring it out and address it by acknowledging how it impacts me today. The moment I started this process, my life has calmed so much and my future has actually been uncovered through it. Is that possible to uncover the past and actually find my future? I can only tell you that all the years I buried and tried to ignore the past that I was not proud of, were full of negative moments. The more I tried to “forget” the past the more it seemed to keep haunting me. Like an angry spirit that only wants to be set free and in the process it haunts others because it is not sure how else to be heard. Healing can only truly begin once you acknowledge those things that you are burying. It’s time for us all to achieve the positive future we were meant to be living. Not allowing the past to hold us down, while trying to drag us into that grave with it. It is time to LIVE and let the past move on.
Have you ever thought about why reptiles shed their skin? When the reptile grows it has to shed it’s skin to allow for the growth. We need to learn that as we ourselves grow we need to shed things in order to continue to grow. If we restrict ourselves by keeping these “skins” we will hurt ourselves or lose time by constraining the natural process of life. Let go of things that do not encourage and assist with your grow. If you have things or people in your life that seem to be holding you back you need to evaluate the relationship and determine if it can be “stretched” or do you just need to let it go and allow yourself that space to grow?
There is so much hate in the world today. I have this mission to help the world find positivity when I live in a world full of hate around me. So many either hate people because of their skin color, where they came from, how much money they make or even what their political views are. When will we stop living in hate. Remember the quote from Martin Luther King Jr, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” We have to learn to start appreciating the gifts each of us have and stop focusing on the darkness in others. If you don’t turn on the light you will remain in the dark. We have to learn to live through the hate with more positive energy and less negative. Hate thrives on hate so if we stop feeding it then it can’t thrive. Search out the Light in the Dark, it exists if you want to find it.
I don’t care what color your skin is, where your parents came from, or how much money is in your bank account. Every single one of us has a purpose in this world. We are one race, HUMAN. Each of us is diverse in our own special way. There is only one YOU. Embrace each others diversity. As I sit here writing this post, sitting no more than 6 feet from me are two gentlemen playing a very intense game of chess. The color of the their skin, their past traumas, or their status makes no difference. They are two diverse human beings enjoying a strategic game. It makes me smile to watch these two men enjoy a quiet night together. Just to think that 100 years ago these two men would not have been allowed to sit in a public place peacefully. It is amazing to me how far we have come yet I know know we have a very long way to go. I truly hope that when my grandchildren are my age they will be able to not even remember the time when our diversity was a bad thing. I want for them to not have to focus on the thought that any of us were better than the other, just that we are different and that is AMAZING!!
This is the perfect time of year to embrace the spirit of the season and remember that we are never truly alone. It can be tough to lose those we love and we start to feel sorry for ourselves when we think of them being gone. If you believe and embrace the spirits they will fill you with love that even while they were on earth they could never have shown you. Our spirits are stronger than our physical bodies. They are what get us through the tough times and when others past on they are still around us even when we don’t feel their presence. During the Holidays I believe their spirits are even stronger so take a moment and feel their presence and remember the love you had and will always have. Embrace The Spirit so that it can truly embrace you. HUGS
Think of the ups and downs of life like heart beats. Some are stronger than others and during happiness it is different than during sadness but there is still a beat. We need the peaks and valleys or else we flat line. Even though we don’t like the low moments we have to remind ourselves that it is only a moment. Next thing you know life bounces back up and you are on your way up again. This is the heartbeat of life and without it we are dead. Enjoy the beats and blimps.
So many of us build walls in order to protect us from our past. The problem is that this actually can do the opposite and it can prevent us from moving toward our future. These walls that are meant to be made temporary and not allowed to encompass us entirely. All too often those who built these walls get comfortable behind them. They end up becoming trapped behind that which they built to protect them. It is natural to want to never be hurt again after you survive, but by projecting on to the world the acts of specific people or events all you do is close yourself off from the love and good that you should be allowing yourself. Do not allow yourself to remain the victim forever. Allow yourself the time and then be sure to start healing. The longer you build that wall the thicker it will become and the more difficult to tear down.
10 TIPS TO OVERCOMING N-E-G-A-T-I-V-I-T-Y
You can purchase a signed copy here. This price includes the signing and all shipping costs. This book has been written to give us 10 simple steps to overcoming negativity. We all have negativity forced upon us or attract it because it is all we have known. This book is a simple, easy to ready guidebook to show us how if we put the necessary work in, we do not have to be stuck with the negativity. If we identify how the negativity is impacting our mental and physical being, we can change it and ultimately overcome it. Are you ready to overcome the negativity and enjoy the positivity?
We hear so often we have to love ourselves so that we can truly love others and be loved by others. What does it mean to love ourselves however? This means you have to accept that you are the person you are meant to be and that there will be people that don’t appreciate who we are but that is not something you need to focus so much on. Be sure that when you find the person you love that you don’t allow others to tell you that it is wrong for you to be who you love. Love is different for each of us but never forget you wake with yourself and you fall asleep with yourself as well. Love You!
This journey from Survivor to Thriver and Then Beyond, is in no way easy but it is truly within reach of each of us. Myself, I am between the Survivor and Thriver Stages and I work every day to take the necessary steps to keep moving more forward that backward. This road is often bumpy and there are many days I just think "Maybe I am good with just being a survivor. Why do I need to thrive anyway and is the beyond really that amazing? I am happy as I am now. Why do I need to keep pushing myself?"
The simple answer to all this is: I am meant to do MORE! My journey hasn't ended so why should I just stop working to achieve the ultimate life I am meant to live? I survived sexual abuse! I survived suicide! I survived a life of negativity. Why? The only logical explaination I can come up with is that I am meant to THRIVE and even more importantly reach BEYOND! I am meant to share my story so that others can survive themselves and know that if I can do it they certainly can. If you have done the work to survive your past regardless of what it held, be sure you are working toward thriving and living this life you have, to it's fullness without regret.
If we all accepted each other's strengths and weaknesses and stopped listening to the negative words that are thrown around, you would learn to enjoy your life much more. Remember if you don't hear the information direct from the source you honestly don't know the truth. Try believing in the positive and ignoring the negative for one week and I promise you your life will change for the better. Love you all!!
When we are born we have no reason to believe anyone or anything is going to hurt us. We trust with everything we know until the time comes when that trust is broken. Once this happens we begin questioning the intentions of things and ultimately others around us. Once trust is lost it is not easy to regain and tough to not project on even those who have never done anything to not trust them. It must be a conscious decision to put our past experiences behind us and to make a conscious effort to not make others pay for the actions of a few. It has to be as though after trust is lost with one person you are “re-born” in a sense and you can’t continue to hold everyone around you responsible for actions of a few. When you realize that once trust is lost it is not only the person who broke that trust you no longer believe it but you ultimately have lost trust for yourself in your judgement. Trust is freeing and as long as you are careful and you listen to your instincts so that you aren’t putting yourself in situations where those who have bad intentions have to access to take advantage, being able to trust is so much healthier than hold on to that negativity of not trusting and thinking everyone is out to harm you.
There is a huge difference between being alone and loneliness. We all need to be alone from time to time to get to know ourselves. When we spend time in silence with our own thoughts we truly get to know who we are. If you can be content in your own presence then imagine how you are going to be with someone else. The key is to not allow yourself slip into loneliness. Loneliness is when you are alone and all you can think about is how empty you feel. It is not healthy to feel lonely because it can easily transition into depression. The healthy place to be is when you can sit in a room alone and not feel that you are. You are able to sit in silence and enjoy your thoughts and the silence in itself. Strive to be happy alone. If you can’t be alone with yourself why would anyone else want to be. Think about that.
I want to discuss Post Traumatic Stress and how it feels as though our souls have been stolen after a traumatic event. There are of course various levels of Trauma but no one can really say that one level is easier than another. It truly depends on a multitude of variables and it really isn’t anyone’s place to determine how each traumatic event will effect each person. Two people can go through the exact same event at the exact same time and each will process it all differently. No one person has the knowledge or power to determine another persons thoughts or emotions. Everyone of us is unique and need to process things in our own way. For society to tell us we need to just accept something and get over it isn’t realistic in a lot of cases.
I battled with PTSD myself after I was raped at the age of 12. I repressed the incident so that I wouldn’t have to face the truth and continue to relive the act over and over in my nightmares. This is how I dealt with the trauma and it almost killed me as I dealt with suicidal thoughts and attempted, thankfully I failed. The one thing in my life I can honestly say today that I am proud of being a failure at. Those thoughts can really get the better of you and for those not having them you have no way of comprehending what it is like. The only way I can try and describe it would be like this… Have you ever had a recording of something you hated play over and over and you couldn’t get the player to shut off? You feel anxious because you want it to stop but it just continues no matter what you do? It is kind of like that but the voices or images are inside your head and there is no off button to push, or power cord you can pull. Think of it like those battling with those voices and images in their head finally have enough and they make suicide their disconnection from the ultimate power source of life. Typically, they resort to these measures because they believe there is no other way to get them to stop and no one can possibly understand what they are going through. Those battling with memories of a traumatic event, continue to replay that event over and over in their minds because their brain is trying to resolve the issue and can’t change the outcome. They are the star of their own personal thriller movie in their minds and they are often scared to share with anyone for fear that no one will believe them or will believe they are weak.
No matter why, it is wrong that they should be made to feel they are the ones that did anything wrong. They need to be ensured that they are loved and that they will not be judged for the acts of others choices or even their own in some cases. Things that have happened in our past, whether that is yesterday or several years ago, can never be changed or taken back. We have to learn to acknowledge those events and history and accept who we are today. In order for us to overcome our past we have to put it in the past and not allow it to continue to tear us down in our present and definitely not let it hold us back from our future. We are on this journey together and we all need to help one another achieve the future that we were meant to have.
There are various level of friendship and they do not all have to same levels of commitment or caring at all. If you meet someone and you have an instant connection with that person you may feel that it is because they are meant to be your friend forever. This is not always the case. Sometimes that energy you initially feel is the pull of the negative and positive energy of two people. This could be a good thing and in the end it could actually turn out that that was a sign of two energies fighting to find their strength and power source. A negative can drain a positive and a positve can power a negative. We just never truly know until we give the friendship the time it needs to work through all the highs and lows. A positive energy is naturally drawn to the negatives. It is their mission to give power to those in need but they can over do it at times and find themselves in a very dark negative relationship and then not know how to get away and regain their positive energy. Negativity is like a Cancer and can spread throughout us and then to those near us if not addressed.
Always take the proper amount of time to evaluate every friendship you have. There is nothing wrong with taking a stand for yourself and implementing firm boundaries. These boundaries are necessary at times to keep you grounded and of clear mind in order to make sure that you have the right people in your life. Our true friends will understand and have boundaries of their own.
Are you one of those people that always has to make everyone happy even when you hurt yourself at times? You can’t stand seeing others sad so you give anything it takes to make them happy? It is a great thing that you have a big heart and you want to take care of others but there always needs to be a balance. If you are always giving, in time you have nothing left for yourself. In this process you lose yourself and if you lose yourself then how can anyone who cares about you truly be happy. Making you happy first needs to be priority and those who truly care for you will understand. When they don’t is when you need to be stepping back and evaluating things. Are they that unhappy or are they just selfish?
True Love is like a drug. You think about nothing but getting your next fix. You can’t get enough of it and you are constantly focused on how you can get more. Just the thought of losing it hurts. Your thoughts are clouded and you have poor judgement on what else is important. You truly have to be strong and be sure to not get completely lost in the feeling or you can easily lose touch of the outside world. You can feel as though nothing but this feeling is worth having and you can easily get addicted to the high. Be sure you are not losing touch with the things outside of that love that have importance as well. Once the high ends you have to proceed with everyday life remember. Be sure to keep grounded to reality while enjoying the intense high of something not everyone experiences.
Do you know people that have their own version of reality? Those people who can take an experience and totally twisting it around and distort reality in order to make themselves look better. These people tend to have to create an alternate reality in order to boost themselves up. They can truly make themselves believe their own version and make others believe that reality as well. You have to truly protect yourself from these people and make sure that you are firmly grounded and know that you will often have to determine what is reality and what is fantasy with these people. I am not saying to cut these people out of your life but you do need to be sure you watch yourself around them and make sure that you are not the target of there fantasies.
Are you sitting on the “make a huge decision in your life” fence? I know I battle with this often and have had to throw caution to the wind and just take a leap of faith! Actually believing in myself, not simply doing what I have always done. Taking a Leap of Faith means that you have to trust your gut. Not rely on your brain or your heart, because both of these have their own walls that will prevent us from truly letting go and making new things happen. By throwing caution to the wind you can truly live the life that is meant to be. Not just the “I am safe” version of life that your brain and heart agree you are able to handle. Push your limits and take a risk at times. That Leap of Faith could very well be the most amazing future you could never have imagined.
Take pride in who you are today, no matter where you came from. Every single one of us has a past, some better than others. Some have gone through things none of the rest of us could even possibly imagine. Does this make them any worse or better than any of us? Our past is only part of our foundation for our future. Some go through things that are needed in order to strengthen them, for whatever reason. I know that sounds horrible that some people have to go through horrible experiences in order to be stronger but sometimes it is needed. Everything, in my opinion, happens for a reason. Take pride in the fact that you survived all that was thrown in your path and process it and make it all part of your solid foundation. We all started as helpless infants dependent on others to survive. Now it’s our turn to take pride in ourselves and rise above all that tried to keep us down.
If you are going to have dreams make them BIG DREAMS. Every step towards your goal needs to be significant and when you set your goals to small you don’t work as hard to reach them. If you Dream Bigger than you could ever imagine and work towards those dreams every day, even in small doses you will in time reach that end game but you can appreciate the steps along the way and truly appreciate when you reach it. Aim small and all you will end up doing is wondering if you could have gone further. Never limit your dreams. Set the limits higher than you can ever possibly imagine and never stop working toward that dream.
Never feel you are so far off course you can’t get back. You are not a train that has derailed and can’t be set back on track. You have the ability to upright and get back on the tracks or even onto another set of tracks with a more suitable destination. Never believe you are so far off course you can’t get back. Then again, maybe you are off course for a purpose and you are supposed to change tracks. Always remember to consider than if you keep falling off the same tracks.
Sometimes we care too much and open our hearts just to get them broken! This can either stop us in our tracks or it can give us the ability to expand our hearts, mend them and then have more space to take on much more! Take every opportunity to grow as a positive regardless of how it happened! You truly can never care too much, just be prepared that it may hurt at times but growing pains hurt! Embrace them!
Do you know what your true purpose is? Do you feel there is just something more to your life that you are missing? We all have a purpose and often we lose site of that due to events out of our controls or choices we didn’t realize the ramifications of in the moment!
We all need to, at some point in our lives, and sometimes this take a few times, to dig deep inside ourself to truly learn what it is we are meant to be/do! Take a moment right now and think about what your soul has been wanting but you just keep ignoring!
Do you ever get to points in your life where you feel all you have done until that point was only to prepare you for your future? Some of the people that were in your life were only there to strengthen you and show you what you didn’t want to be. We all have to learn to open our eyes and see those around us for who they are meant to be in our lives. Never feel that just because you are family or have been friends since you were children or your kids are friends with their kids that you “have” to keep those people in your life. If someone is toxic or only brings negative energy you have the right to remove them from your life with or without cause or explanation. Maybe these people surround themselves with others that are toxic and they choose to be around those people. If you feel that they bring that energy into your world via transference, you are perfectly in your right to walk away. We all have one life to live and we may regret some choices we make in a moment but we have to take risks at times to ensure a positive future. Without risk there is no reward. Be comfortable deleting the negative energy from your life in order for you to truly release yourself and make room for the amazing life you were meant to live.
Do you allow your past experiences to limit you future ones? Think about it. How often do you base your future choices off of past experiences? We all do it to varying degrees. There are definite moments that you need to not do this. Relationships are one of them. Now of course you know that if you don’t like certain traits in a person that is going to be taken into consideration, of course. How often do you ask someone, “What do you like to do?” “What are your favorite foods?” “What type of man/woman do you like?” Hell I will go as far as to say we hear, “What is your favorite sexual position?” from some people when getting to know them. Let me give you all a little advice. Pulling from the past to make your future better is fine but living from it only limits your possibilities. Whenever I am asked these types of questions I usually respond with, “I don’t know since I haven’t gotten to know you yet.” The moment you tell someone what you are looking for based on your past they will try and become that ideal and then stop being themself. This is why the first 3-6 of meeting someone new is wasted in some cases because people aren’t being themselves they are trying to become what that other person is looking for and then when they get comfortable and just be themselves they are told “You have changed” and things get tough. Stop limiting your possibilities based on what you’ve known. Learn to enjoy the adventure of what you haven’t known.
There comes that time in our lives that we have to spread our wings and become the person we were meant to be. This often results in the loss of people we thought would be there forever. When we grow we don’t all grow together we have to accept that your needs and goals may not be the same as those from your past. During this growth process we learn new things about ourselves and see things in a different light. Unfortunately, some may not agree with your choices and you may not agree with theirs. This is okay, it just means you are both growing and like the branches of the tree of life we go in different directions and often we don’t meet up again the same as we once had.
Every night that you see an amazing sunset is a positive sign that you got through your day no matter how much negativity was forced upon you. Then you get to start your day with an amazing sunrise to remind you that it is a brand new day full of new choices and opportunities. Make each moment count!
Always remember that as long as there is breath in your lungs and your heart is beating, you are alive! Live life while you can and be sure you are living it for yourself not just to please everyone else! If those around you aren’t on the same path it doesn’t make either of you right or wrong it just is you are living different lives! Time Live Yours To It’s Fullest!
In society today, I see a trend of people accepting less than they truly deserve and actually criticizing others for wanting more for themselves. Often they settle because of low personal self-esteem, insecurity, feeling damaged, or even out of fear of being alone. This behavior not only hurts the one doing the settling but ultimately hurts the one being settled for. This is wrong for everyone. We need to step back and evaluate ourselves. Ask ourselves why would we think so little of ourselves that we would be okay settling for something or someone we knew from the start wasn’t right for us. The important thing is to not ignore the red flags. If you see red flags in a situation be sure you are paying close attention to them and not just brushing them aside. We all have intuition we just rarely acknowledge it. If you are settling for a person in the end that person is and you will get hurt because one or both of you will eventually move on. Focus on your needs and be a little selfish as in the end you want to be with someone that wants you happy and you want them happy as well.
This is for all my single readers primarily. Do you often hear the phrase, “Age is just a number” when meeting new people in the dating arena? I think about these 6 words quite often as I don’t agree that is is just a number. Now do I believe it is a make or break in a potential partner? Absolutely not! There is someone for everyone and every situation in our lives for sure. However, if you are very accomplished and have your share of experience you may look for a partner with similar experience. Well often, not always, with every day of age comes a day of experience right? So if you try to say that age is just a number then you are discounting the importance of the experiences that are acquire with every day you are alive! Myself, I appreciate every experience I am given and consider them a badge of honor that I either enjoyed them or even survived them. Never discount what you have learned with every day you are alive and continue to go out there and push yourself further and further to achieve so much more!!
We live in a world of negativity because the negatives seem to be easier and much more entertaining. When we watch the news or the television in general we will never be short of drama and suspense. We seem to accept it in everything we see and do, so it is just the easiest between negative or positive. It takes a lot of work to be positive in today’s society and often people just stop trying instead of working for it. Take a moment and be sure we are pointing out a positive to at least every two negatives and preferably to every one.
I’m done living life to make others happy. This is my life to live. No one else has to be involved unless they choose to accept my choices and come along with me. If you aren’t onboard and don’t agree with my choices well guess what…We can agree to disagree and go our separate ways.
There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that you have out-grown relationships or passions. Our tastes change every seven years so it is very likely that you will grow away from some things and some people in your life. The healthiest way to handle this is to accept it. Remember that we don’t have to please everyone around us with our decisions. The only person in our lives we truly have to make happy is ourselves.
Now, I know some are going to say this is the most selfish way to live our lives and I just say, “Ok! And?” From the day we are born to the day we die the one person we have with us always is ourselves and the moment you realize you have to come first, you will start your journey to self-love. This in no way is to say that we need to be greedy, self-centered, or self-absorbed, but we have to be in touch with who we are as people and what our true likes and dislikes are in order to attract like minded individuals into our lives.
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