Independence
All posts tagged Independence
When will the time come when you say to yourself, “I acknowledge the past, however, I accept my present for what it is. My past will not dictate my future!” The moment you can do this, is the moment you will finally loosen those chains that have held you back. We cannot truly move forward without acknowledging the past. Stop reliving it over and over. Once you learn the lessons you were meant to learn step out of those chains and be free to make the future you truly desire and were meant to live.
I don’t care what color your skin is, where your parents came from, or how much money is in your bank account. Every single one of us has a purpose in this world. We are one race, HUMAN. Each of us is diverse in our own special way. There is only one YOU. Embrace each others diversity. As I sit here writing this post, sitting no more than 6 feet from me are two gentlemen playing a very intense game of chess. The color of the their skin, their past traumas, or their status makes no difference. They are two diverse human beings enjoying a strategic game. It makes me smile to watch these two men enjoy a quiet night together. Just to think that 100 years ago these two men would not have been allowed to sit in a public place peacefully. It is amazing to me how far we have come yet I know know we have a very long way to go. I truly hope that when my grandchildren are my age they will be able to not even remember the time when our diversity was a bad thing. I want for them to not have to focus on the thought that any of us were better than the other, just that we are different and that is AMAZING!!
We have so much to learn from the stories of others. If you haven’t told yours there is someone out there waiting to hear it. We may believe we are alone and that no one would possibly want to hear our story but in actually there are others going through things that are similar to what we have and they can learn from us. If you are keeping your story secret you are hurting yourself as things that get buried that are still alive will only dig their way out and often won’t be happy for being buried alive. We have so much to learn from each other and learning from others stories can potentially help us to uncover our own.
As a mother of children who genetically inherited mental disorders they didn’t ask for or even deserve, I often feel this guilt for the choices I made. I know their pain as though it were my own even though I try to not enable them just because they are battling. They are strong at the core even though they feel they are victims at times. I often think of it like those who speak of the ghost pain after a limb is amputated, As a mother our children are an extension of ourselves and we do actually feel the pain they go through whether it is real to us or not. We will forever be connected to them but have to accept that they are a separate being and have to be allowed to make their own choices and experience their own failures. Love them but don’t love them to death.
So many of us build walls in order to protect us from our past. The problem is that this actually can do the opposite and it can prevent us from moving toward our future. These walls that are meant to be made temporary and not allowed to encompass us entirely. All too often those who built these walls get comfortable behind them. They end up becoming trapped behind that which they built to protect them. It is natural to want to never be hurt again after you survive, but by projecting on to the world the acts of specific people or events all you do is close yourself off from the love and good that you should be allowing yourself. Do not allow yourself to remain the victim forever. Allow yourself the time and then be sure to start healing. The longer you build that wall the thicker it will become and the more difficult to tear down.
We hear so often we have to love ourselves so that we can truly love others and be loved by others. What does it mean to love ourselves however? This means you have to accept that you are the person you are meant to be and that there will be people that don’t appreciate who we are but that is not something you need to focus so much on. Be sure that when you find the person you love that you don’t allow others to tell you that it is wrong for you to be who you love. Love is different for each of us but never forget you wake with yourself and you fall asleep with yourself as well. Love You!
What is Independence exactly? The act of being free of outside control, self-government, separation, sovereignty, freedom and so much more, right?! To become independent we gain control of ourselves and our own actions. We become strength within ourselves and then are able to combine our independence with others and become an even stronger power. It is when we are dependent on others that we are weak and allow ourselves to be taken advantage of and at times abused. Becoming independent does not mean you are shutting out those around you, but are taking control of your own actions and choosing to not blame others for your choices when they do not go as planned. With independence comes ultimate freedom from allowing the action of others to dictate the outcome of our own lives. Things will happen in our lives that we are not able to control but with independence we are able to analyze those moments and determine how we are going to allow them to impact our future. It is within our control and when you are able to stop being the victim of other people’s mistakes and truly become self-aware and in control of your own destiny only then we can gain our true Independence and be Free.
Your life is like a business! You should be working at it every single day and those in your life should be helping you to build the business not to let it fail. Surround yourself with like-minds and be sure you manage your life well! It’s yours to lead and choose who is in it!
There is a huge difference between being alone and loneliness. We all need to be alone from time to time to get to know ourselves. When we spend time in silence with our own thoughts we truly get to know who we are. If you can be content in your own presence then imagine how you are going to be with someone else. The key is to not allow yourself slip into loneliness. Loneliness is when you are alone and all you can think about is how empty you feel. It is not healthy to feel lonely because it can easily transition into depression. The healthy place to be is when you can sit in a room alone and not feel that you are. You are able to sit in silence and enjoy your thoughts and the silence in itself. Strive to be happy alone. If you can’t be alone with yourself why would anyone else want to be. Think about that.
Independence is a scary thing for some and all about freedom for others. We all translate independence in our own way. Not only about our political views. Some see it as they want to make their own rules, others as they just want to live how they chose to live, and even those that just want to not depend on others. However, this word impacts you is unique to you and that is why it is so important to embrace it. Fight for what it is that you want but in the process respect those around you . They are as unique as you are and deserve the right to have their independence, their own way. Be sure you are opening your mind enough to the needs of others in the process of taking charge of your own life. Our Own Indepence is unique to each of us and should be embraced and cherished. LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE INDEPENDENTLY!
When things happen in our past that hurt us physically or emotionally many often choose to live in silence instead of speaking up! One thing that I have learned first hand, is how that silence does more harm than good! By keeping silent and feeling shame, you remain the victim instead of becoming the survivor. Be strong and acknowledge these pains and allow the past to heal you instead of holding you back. Love yourself enough to tell your inner child or past you at whatever again that it is ok to let go of this pain and that you refuse to be the victim and instead choose to accept who you are and look to achieve the amazing future of your choosing.
We each have our own path we must take to our future. Some of use take the long winding uphill path with many obstacles along the way. Others take the straight and narrow and uncluttered path. Who’s to say which path is the “Right” Path. We all have our lessons to be learned maybe along the more difficult path we learn more about ourselves that will be necessary for a more prosperous future or maybe it will lead us to another path we had never even considered for ourselves.
Just because I don’t chose the same path you chose does not make either of our paths worse or better than the other’s it is just different and unique to us individually. We all have our own unique reasons for living. I won’t judge your choices and don’t judge mine. What seems to work for someone today may not work for them forever and we all need to respect that and accept each of us for our own choices. With support ever choice can be a good one. It is when we are surrounded by nothing but negativity and discouragement that we give up on ourselves and start second guessing ourselves. I may make choices for me that are not right for you but in the end I live my life and you live yours.
Each of us have Our Paths and we have to support and encourage one another in order to reach our true potential. If you aren’t getting the support you truly have to re-evaluate the negatives in your life and determine if they are hurting you or need to be addressed and built on to become your positive. Chose Your Own Path and stand by that which you firmly believe is the right one for the future you want for yourself not for someone else.
While sitting in a Senior High School Class listening to a couple guest speakers talk about their son being molested by their babysitter, I had an unusual feeling of understanding come over me that I somehow knew the pain and confusion this child must have been feeling. Feeling that no one understood what you were dealing with and the deep ache to rid yourself of an unknown secret. I really didn’t know why I had these feelings, but I sat in that classroom almost in tears and amazement on how these people were talking so freely about this traumatic event in their son’s life. Luckily this was the last real class I had that day because I was not able to focus on anything but the words these people talked about and how they were very clear that this is not the “Victims” fault that these people do these things. They also explained that if we knew anyone who had or was being hurt by someone we needed to speak up and not allow them to continue to make that person or yourself the victim any longer.
I walked around in a fog most of the rest of the afternoon and into the evening. I had trouble going to sleep that night with strange thoughts running through my head. Once I finally fell asleep I was restless and the next thing I knew I awoke screaming, “NO! STOP! YOU’RE HURTING ME!” The memories came flooding back to a horrible night in my life that I had somehow blocked from my subconscious. It was now back and I was never going to forget it again.
I had been molested with inappropriate touching and actions by a man close to our family. He made threats that I would be hurt or that my family wouldn’t believe me if I were to even tell them. This went on for several years and I just allowed this man to treat me like my feelings meant nothing. At age 12, I finally got the courage to stand up to this man and tell him “NO” and that I wouldn’t allow him to treat me like that ever again.
I thought that everything was going to stop and that I had finally been able to take control until I went to sleep that night. I awoke to the most excruciating pain and my head being forced into a pillow. I was on my stomach and I couldn’t move and at times could barely breathe while this grown man raped me and said horrible words to me while shoving my head further in the pillow so I couldn’t scream. I must have blacked out because I don’t remember anything after that.
From that day forward I was a different young lady. I went from being very outgoing and high spirited, to a tomboy and guarded. I wore clothing that didn’t flatter me as to not attract males. I became just one of the guys in my group of friends and started pushing those who were close to me away so that I couldn’t be hurt like that again. I didn’t speak of that night because I just remembered him telling me that no one was going to believe me. I eventually completely blocked it from my memory as a way to protect myself. I also felt there must have been something I had done to deserve this and that maybe I done something to encourage him. He made me a victim and by allowing that I empowered him.
This all came back to me 5 years later, yes I blocked this horrible event out of my memory for 5 years and all it did was tear me up from the inside and created insecurities and depression that I could not truly understand. I had thoughts of suicide and the feeling of just being completely alone and misunderstood. Once this all came back to me I decided I would never keep silent about it again. I pulled myself together and wrote it all down in an anonymous letter to the class, we had a drop box that was in the room that we could put questions in and the class would give their opinions and advice. I didn’t hold anything back in that letter, well nothing but my name of course. I asked if they could help me to determine what I needed to do next to overcome this and how I could stop from being this victim and now take control of my life, once again.
When I got to school that morning I dropped the letter in the box while no one was in the class and proceeded with my school day feeling a bit of the burden I had carried so long, lifted from me. When I arrived to class that afternoon the teacher was standing at the front of the class with his stool and asked everyone to please take their seats. I knew what was about to happen. We all sat down and he sat on his stool and proceeded to tell the class that he had something very serious to read to them and that their help was very important. I gathered all the strength I had in me and listened to the words read back to me that I had written that morning. It all truly became reality at that moment. There was no going back.
After the teacher read the letter he looked to the class for their words of wisdom and guidance. I continued to not show signs that the letter was from me and I even asked and answered questions. These students were so helpful and they didn’t even know that the person who wrote those words was me. We discussed how this is something that is history and by continuing to allow it to fester was only hurting me and holding me back from my future. They talked about how this is not something I did or could have stopped. We discussed that my taking a stand was a good thing even though it caused this to escalate. This was the man’s burden to bare not mine.
After class let out I walked up to the front of the class to talk to the teacher as I did every day. He looked at me and asked me how I thought he and the class had done with the letter. I responded, “You did great!” He said, “You think so?” I looked him in the eyes and said, “It helped a lot!” His eyes changed and started to fill with tears. “I didn’t know,” he said, with the tears starting to flow. I looked at him and said, “I know that is why you helped so much.” If he would have known it was me he may have not been so open about his responses. He gave me a hug and for the first time in many years felt the warmth in another person’s hugs without being scared.
I will leave this story with this for now and will continue with stories that came from me deciding that I was not going to continue to be the victim of this man and that I would never be silent about it again. All being silent did was hurt me and the negativity of the secret was like a cancer in me and was just spreading and once I refused to allow it anymore my life changed. I won’t tell you it was always perfect after that day but it was the strength that I pulled from and continue to pull from today when things get rough.
In closing, don’t read this post and pity me for what happened in my past. My past is my foundation and what made me the strong independent person I am today. I want to share this story so that maybe I can reach others that are going through, or have gone through, similar times. Maybe, just maybe, you can see that you are not alone and you too can find the strength to be “THE VICTIM NO MORE”.
~Vix~
Have you ever thought that the pain and hurt we feel due to past relationships gone wrong or actually being hurt by others in our past are some what like what they call “Phantom Pains” in those that have lost limbs? I know this sounds a little far fetch but let’s think about this. If you were in a relationship and you were hurt and you severed those ties, isn’t it similar in a strange way? When you lose a limb you have extreme pain and then loss and then it is said that you experience Phantom pains in the limb. So is it so strange to have similar pains when you sever relationship ties? You have had potentially extreme pain and you have now lost a part of your life that you felt was another limb of sorts. After you are away and you start realizing you are living without that part of your life you tend to relive that pain from time to time and may even project that on to others in your present. You can start to react to this “Phantom Pain” by treating those around you as you would like to have handled the past. You need to acknowledge that the Past is exactly that and that your future does not include that “limb” so now you have to LIVE your new life and not allow what caused you to lose that “limb” to impact you so that you don’t potential lose future “limbs” for the same reasons. You make better choices, you look deeper inside yourself to know what is hurting you before it becomes so bad that you can go back and reverse the damages done. I know this analogy is not perfect but I do see very similar traits in how we analyze the loss and I thought maybe, just maybe, this would help others to remember that when we lose something there is a purpose and now is the time to stop being the victim of it and realize that you have a new life that you need to find your purpose in and love yourself in. Don’t allow the problem to spread to your future and grow as a person from the mistakes that you may have made. I hope this helps you to look at your current relationships a little deeper and make sure that you are treating them as something. Stop being the victim of what others may have done to you and learn to live from those experiences.
Have you ever taken the time to sit back and analyze what truly inspires you? We often get inspired by other’s actions or insight, but have you ever actually sat down and made a list of the things that make you happy, passionate, teary, just plain have emotion? I find that there are many in life that just live through others and don’t take the time to tap into the true inner passions of themselves. Then we never feel complete fulfilled and even get left feeling empty.
We all have differences and we need to be able to acknowledge them. Those are what makes us all unique and special. I don’t expect everyone to feel as I do about everything I talk and write about. In fact I love to hear other people’s true views when they disagree with me. Other people’s views may deepen my own or could very easily chance my perspective and I love that. Be passionate about what YOU want and desire in life. Stop letting other people define what is good for YOU. Be ok with other people not agreeing with your opinions but never be afraid to stand up for what you truly believe it.
Inspiration comes from so many facets of our lives. Some of us are creative, some analytical, others are very logical. We as people need to accept that about each other and not judge others for what they believe and find inspiration in. We are all made up of different DNA remember. Every molecule in our make up creates differences in us all.
This starts with our children I am seeing being a mother of two very gifted children in their own special way. Society tells us that we should strive to be the best but what exactly is the best really? Being the best in one’s field is great as long as you enjoy what it is that you are doing. Now if you are great at what you do but you don’t find Inspiration in doing it then are you truly the best at it? People do things at times just because that is what they have fallen into and have become good at. Does that mean they are passionate about it all the time? Do they get up every morning inspired to do what it is they do or do they hate it but do it because that is what everyone believes they “should” do to be a productive part of or society?
Does it scare anyone else that more people die from suicide than from homicide? This statistic really got me thinking. If people were able to do what they were truly passionate about and stopped living their lives for others and the way others believed their lives should be lived, would this statistic still be the same?
Take a moment after you read this post and truly sit down and think about 5 things that inspire you to get up every morning and write them down. Then think about 5 things you do in your live that make you sad that you have to do because society says doing it differently is not acceptable. Once you have these lists, ask yourself is there anything on your Inspiration List that can replace anything on your Negative List? Take charge of your future by acknowledging who you are inside and accept that person. We all have our passions…What are yours?
Do you know that person that know matter what they are doing they try to make you happy and please you? I am sure most people truly appreciate these people but have you ever thought about what it does to that person trying to be what makes everyone happy all the time? It takes a lot to take the time to get to know so many and find out what each person “needs” to be happy. These people tend to spread themselves thin over time trying to everything to everyone they care about.
The Pleaser wants those they care about to excel and grow at all times. They tend to give part of themselves without any requirement of a return. Their reward is to see the smile on their loved ones faces or to watch them achieve their goals, whatever those may be.
Do you ever consider they do things for you that are actually hurting them in some way? Do you wonder why they would do that?
They do it because they strive to make you happy and if you are happy then they must be happy. Right?!?!
These Pleasers can easily be taken advantage of and get hurt in the process of doing what they believe is right. They may even make moral decisions that they would normally never consider just because they want to make that person feel happiness or even pleasure for a moment. That moment can in return tear at The Pleasers moral fortitude and later haunt them.
You may ask yourself why would this person do something they normally wouldn’t do just to make another person happy? There is often no good answer. These personality types find gratitude in the instant gratification. This is actually very unhealthy and is not a way to live. If you are a Pleaser, open your eyes now and acknowledge this yourself. You can not be everything to everyone all the time. You need to learn that others need to be able to do things themselves and if you want you can help but you have to stop doing things because you feel you are obligated to please those around you or they won’t love you or care for you. Those who truly care about you are going to care whether you do for them or not.
Life is give and take. Learn to receive as much as you give. In the end you will appreciate life that much more. Please yourself and then Please others.
This topic is close to my heart. I feel very strongly about the need for Security and Independence in one’s life. If you are always thinking you are not a good enough for those around you all you do in return is tear down the others in order to boost yourself and we all know that isn’t healthy. You have to dig deep inside you when you are criticizing other around you or controlling them by making them feel guilty for wanting things you may not.
I am often amazed by people who are insecure. You wouldn’t expect most of them to have anything to be insecure about. Some are very attractive, have great jobs, are very social, have great families, etc. what in the world would they have to be insecure about you may think. Insecurities cannot always be explained. We all see ourselves differently when we look in the mirror. It could be our pasts, our choices we have made that we aren’t happy about, our unexplored dreams lost, and many more things. We all have our wants and desires for ourselves that we let become insecurities at times. The key is to not allow those to impact us negatively. Take those insecurities and grow from them and learn about ourselves deeper. Never allow your insecurities to be an excuse to tear others down or control those around you so that you feel more in control. We all need our independence and self-identity. If you feel that it takes someone else or others to do this for you then you truly need to take step back and reassess yourself. By allowing this to impact those around you will only tear apart your relationships and in the end it could actually become a self-fulfilled prophecy. If you are accusing others of maybe cheating or wanting a life without you more, then in time if you continue to plant that seed when that other person finally has enough that prophecy will be fulfilled and you will very likely be left alone and you will try to blame that person when in reality you need to look at yourself and realize you pushed them to it.
Take time for you to find yourself and love yourself. Never have people in your life because you can’t live without them. You should have people in your life because they enhance your life and being around them just increases your happiness. When we make people our “everything” we end up putting way to much pressure on that person to be perfect and in time they will not feel they can ever really be what you expect. Be happy with who you are and always find your positives in your life, because very often things can be far worse than they are today and if you take a moment to analyze your situation you will realize that there are many positives to be thankful for. Love yourself first and the rest will fall into place.
I think we all make a mistake when we focus too much on pleasing everyone we meet. Our focus should be on making ourselves happy and in the end we shouldn’t be trying to turn “Many” Heads but should truly focus on find the Right One. Never settle for second best. If it doesn’t feel Perfect then don’t waste your time or the other person’s. Be happy in your life and remember at the end of the day the “Right One” is out there. If you settle for the wrong one you will miss out.
Just a little VixTalk opinion of the day:
vixtalks.com 
You must be logged in to post a comment.