This is for all my single readers primarily. Do you often hear the phrase, “Age is just a number” when meeting new people in the dating arena? I think about these 6 words quite often as I don’t agree that is is just a number. Now do I believe it is a make or break in a potential partner? Absolutely not! There is someone for everyone and every situation in our lives for sure. However, if you are very accomplished and have your share of experience you may look for a partner with similar experience. Well often, not always, with every day of age comes a day of experience right? So if you try to say that age is just a number then you are discounting the importance of the experiences that are acquire with every day you are alive! Myself, I appreciate every experience I am given and consider them a badge of honor that I either enjoyed them or even survived them. Never discount what you have learned with every day you are alive and continue to go out there and push yourself further and further to achieve so much more!!
Even in a healthy loving relationship there can be moments of weakness. The important thing is open communication between one another. When I say “open communication” I mean, OPEN!! Each of you have to feel safe talking to one another about any thoughts you many have. Often in relationships one partner or the other considers cheating because over time their likes and needs change and they worry if they tell their partner they won’t accept it. Insecurities are a strong emotion and it can hurt a relationship without either partner knowing the other is dealing with it. If we truly love and accept one another we should be open to each others fantasies as well. Make sure your partner knows that you love them and you won’t judge them. I recommend that you open the communication that allows each other to feel they can voice your individual fantasies as though you were cheating with your partner. Talk openly with them as if they were a stranger at times and you are telling them things they never knew. Strangely at times it is the excitement that is needed in someone. If you role play and act as though you are dating for the very first time and that you have to keep it quiet or your partner (who is actually this person of course) will find out. Often people cheat only because they want to feel that excitement of a new relationship or to have someone to just listen to them and give them undivided attention so the feel heard. You may not agree with this thought process but from my experience with married people online, the two common things I hear is that they aren’t connected sexually with their partner (male and female) and that they just can’t communicate and tell them the fantasies they have for fear of them not understanding. As I said, Cheat with your Partner and allow them to tell you their inner fantasies no matter how intense. If you two can’t discuss these things and come to a common agreement how can you have passion and true connection. Get out there and Cheat With Your Partner and Be each other’s fantasies!
Don’t complain about something if you aren’t going to do everything you can to make it better. If you continuously complain about the same things and don’t take the steps to try anything available to correct the problem then it’s not the problem that is the problem, it’s you!! Stop saying you don’t like something about yourself or your surroundings unless you have tried everything to make them different. It is easy to just complain about things we don’t like but it take real strength to take a stand and decide we are going to make a change and search out all possible ways to fix the problem. Don’t give up until you have really tried everything you possibly can to change the problem on your own and then start asking for help. Nothing is impossible if you truly search for the answers. Never give up on what you truly want or need in your life!
There is a great project I have seen on YouTube by a few different people that has inspired me. This project is The Beautiful Project and it shows how telling others they are beautiful changes them instantly. There is something beautiful in us all but we often can’t see it until someone else points it out. Be that inspiration to someone everyday. Step outside of you comfort zone and appreciate the beauty in a stranger. Go up to someone you don’t know and compliment them on one thing and tell them how beautiful they are. Imagine how amazing this world would be if we all started focusing on the beauty around us and less of the ugly. We all have beauty to share and when it is acknowledged by others it gives us the permission we need to shine. Give those around you the permission they seek to be the amazing beauty they may be hiding or not seeing for themselves…YET!!
Why put off til tomorrow what you can do today? Are you procrastinating from accepting your present and achieving your future? Are you afraid to finally let go of your past? Procrastination is a disease that takes hold if not controlled! Stop saying, “I promise to stop procrastinating tomorrow.” Do it today and make your future as amazing as you truly deserve. Make Procrastination a dirty word in your vocabulary and wash it away!
While analyzing my past for the lessons I have learned, I have been empowered by all the things I have overcome and survived. I consciously chose to be a survivor of so much adversity. To others they saw a strong women with drive and motivation even when I doubted that about myself. “Fake it until you make it!” This is important in our lives at times. The key to this is to actually work to “Make It” not just sit back and wait for it! I have learned so much from those around me and from the mistakes that I have made along the way. Please remember that our weakness is the foundation to our strength. When we acknowledge our weaknesses we are able to build on them and grow from them. “How has my Past made me Stronger?” The answer to that is…My Past is my foundation to my future!!!
Do you know people around you with these traits on a regular basis? We all do and when working to live a positive life if can test us everyday and we may actually question ourselves at times. Just know this is their personalities to manage not yours. Be sure to identify these people in your lives and don’t allow them to define you. These people tend to make us feel we are the negative ones and the ones with the problem, hence the projection so they don’t have to face their own faults. Once you recognize this you will be able to stop enabling them and finding positivity within yourself.
Take a close look at your life and think about how many times you have actually said, “Well if this one thing wouldn’t have happened in my life I would be far better off now.” Or have you said, “I can’t do something special because my parents didn’t give me the right genetics, financial support, or just any support at all.” We all can take the easy route and blame everyone else for our shortcomings, but you know what? That’s a BS excuse. STOP blaming others and take control of your story. Ultimately, YOU are the creator of your own story, others only supply material. YOU choose how that material will be applied to the story you tell. Do Not allow anyone or anything hold you back from doing that which will give you the best story you can imagine. Again, I say, “STOP Blaming Others…It’s YOUR Story…Tell it!!!!
The best things you can do for yourself is to know your worth and not accept less than that. We all have high value and to allow others to treat us like we don’t deserve the best is wrong. Take the time to acknowledge your worth before someone comes along and treats you like an item broke and left on the Clearance Rack at the Discount Store. You are the only one that truly knows you and when you take pride in all you have to offer, you will present yourself accordingly. Then your value goes through the roof. Think Supply and Demand: Confidence and Self- Esteem are attractive qualities and actually rare to truly find. People will give anything to be with someone that knows who they are and what they are worth and will strive to do whatever it takes to become the person worthy of such a person. If they’re not willing to do that, then they aren’t worth your time, in my not so humble opinion. Know your worth and you will attract others who deserve all you have to offer.
HUGS are very important in everyone’s health and growth. Share them whenever you can:
Think of HUGS as therapy. Even when you don’t know it you can help someone who is battling something you have no knowledge of. HUGS are free and worth more than anyone can possess.
Our weaknesses when embraced can empower us. If you allow your weaknesses too much power they can debilitate you. However, if you own them and embrace them you can learn from them and find out how to empower you instead. We tend to allow our inner critic to tell us that we are weak in certain areas so we don’t even try to overcome them. Embrace your weaknesses, analyze them and find out what you can do to strengthen yourself to potentially overcome them. Never allow it to cause you debilitating anxiety that prevents you from becoming what you are meant to be.
Once you have Acknowledged Your Past, Accepted Your Future, and are now ready to Achieve Your Future it’s like you have a blank canvas to start the next phase clean. It doesn’t mean you have to forget your past, just that you have let it go and are ready to live in the present. You have a clean canvas to start painting the picture to your future and make it your own.
Happy Early Thanksgiving Everyone! I am very thankful to have been given the opportunity to give my guidance and advice every week through this blog and that you all come back to check in. I truly hope you all enjoy the posts as much as I enjoy writing and producing them. Every post comes from my heart and is intended to help at least one person in some way. I look forward to continuing the expansion of this project and continuing to help people. Enjoy your day of giving thanks and remember you don’t need to wait for this day every year to look around you and see how you can make small impacts in your life and those around you. Every day is a day of giving thanks for being alive and for having another day to work to become the best person you can be. THANK YOU for the support these last 2 years and I hope I mean as much to each of you as you do to me. HUGS
I apologize for the abrupt end and the sun in my face. The weed trimmer turned on in the background but the content is here. This one just needed to be done outdoors. Please submit your comments and feedback down below or on my AskVix Page. I look forward to hearing from you, good and bad. HUGS
Fall is a great time of year. Seeing nature change right before your eyes. The trees go from beautiful greens to amazing shades of red, orange and yellow. While admiring the beauty this year I got thinking. It is like we get the opportunity to watch nature shed the past and prepare for the new of Spring. What an amazing feeling to see that it is natural to go through continuous change and by accepting this we learn that we have a new opportunity continuously to improve on ourself, learn lessons from the past, and grow from it. Keep Growing!
Ever heard this song on the radio? Brad Paisley talks about being “So much cooler Online!” Describing people that have a real life that they escapes in cyberspace. Describing themselves as the total opposite of who they are in reality. One of the lyrics is “I work down at the pizza pit, and I drive an old Hyundai. I still live with my mom and dad. I’m 5’3 and overweight. I’m a Sci-Fi fanatic, mild asthmatic, never been to second base.” He then goes on to say, “But there’s a whole nother me that you need to see. Go check out MySpace ’cause online I’m out in Hollywood, I’m 6’5 and I look damn good. I drive a Maserati. I’m a black belt in Karate and I love a good glass of wine.” Sadly this song is very true for a lot of people, on both sides of the keyboard. I understand the need for an escape from reality at time but unfortunately it is often at another’s expense when someone goes online to actually meet someone to hopefully build a relationship with. Even though the description is just superficial it is still the image the person is putting in the person’s head and they then start imaging themselves with that image. How do you then meet that person in reality and they are completely opposite of the image. How can this not be something something someone would get upset about? They have been mislead and lied to. Again it is all superficial but the person knew they were mispresenting themselves to be something much different because they weren’t happy with the person they are. Even if the person may like them as they are, they are now stuck with the fact that this person wasn’t confident enough to just be themselves and love who they are.
In this diverse world of social media we live in it is easy to offend someone and you not even realize it. We all have to understand that each of us has our own ways of doing things and processing things. The key is to try to think before you react. I don’t think we should filter what we think as much as make sure that we acknowledge how we understand our thoughts may not be the same as someone else but we also have to not be overly sensitive to what we read at times. If you don’t agree with someone’s opinion or view it is your choice to voice your own but do not think that just because you do the other person has to change their mind. In the end we may need to just agree to disagree and respect that we don’t have to agree on everything. Diversity is what makes the world exciting.
It amazes me how the Internet has taken the old “telephone” game of childhood to an entirely new level. How the story changes so quickly in the various streams of media. You can get so many views of any topic if you search hard enough. The actual facts of the story can be distorted once people start sharing their version of the occurrence or what they believe they heard from someone else. We have so many ways to share news today but I am not truly convinced it is for the better. Be careful how you use and spread information you have not actually witnessed yourself. That old game of telephone as a child should have taught us that the only person that truly knows what happened is the person it happened to. Instead of sharing bad information it is usually best to go directly to the source and confirm what you do not know is fact.
Click the Link above for my first ever Vlog. Please be sure to submit your questions and suggested topics on my AskVix Page and check back frequently for my responses. I look forward to many Vlogs to come. Hugs
There is nothing wrong with exploring your sexual brain. As a female I was programmed as a youth to believe that sex wasn’t for us as females to truly enjoy but was only our “duty” in a relationship. Unfortunately, this way of thinking wasted a lot of great moments in my sexual life. By allowing my sexual brain to be creative, I have realized this is not just for the male gender. As women, we can enjoy it just like our male counterparts and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. The more you accept that you are allowed to enjoy, you and your partner are going to really enjoy it.
You’ve heard the phrase, “Those in Glass Houses should not throw stones,” right? Well how often do you see this metaphor manifest into reality? All too often people fail to accept that they aren’t perfect and should by no means be judging how others live their lives. We should all focus on our own surroundings and choices before we decide it is our place to cast the perverbial stone inside their own glass house. We all have made our own fair share of mistakes and life so when we decide to start passing judgment on those that are finding their own way.
Are you struggling with decisions that you need to make in your life? Struggles Today are Accomplishments of Tomorrow when you put your mind to it. When you fight for something you truly desire, in the end you will appreciate it that much more. Don’t focus on the negatives…Project the positives and make them your Accomplishments of Tomorrow!
Have you ever notice how easy it is to get tethered to our past because it is what we have known. In order to truly let go of our pasts, we need to cut the tethering lines to those parts of our past. The lines that are holding us to a metaphoric dock that could actually sink us if it goes down. Without us even seeing the signs of damage to the foundation that in time could pull us down with it. Don’t just untie them, cut the right at the bow, the bridge, the waist, and finally the stern. Drift from your past then go towards your future, Full Steam Ahead!
Just like anyone else my inner critic screams louder than anyone else’s at times. The one thing I have learned is to not always listen to it. I hear it of course, but I choose whether or not I am going to listen. At times our inner critics can hold us back because the unknown scares us, so it is there to try and protect us. There are parts of what is heard that may be true so hearing it can give us the opportunity to think a bit before we do something. You have to be strong enough to learn from the questions inside you and be empowered by all that there is to learn. Take calculated risks and watch them pay off. All I can say is sometimes we have to step outside of our comfort zone order to do something we otherwise could only dream of doing. Our Inner Critic is only as powerful as we allow it to be.
When we are going through changes in our lives it is important we find the places we find Our Inner Peace and go to it often to center ourselves. If we find ourselves overwhelmed we have to allow ourselves the much needed time to recharge our batteries and enjoy that place where we are most comfortable. Don’t let anyone tell you where that place is. Explore and find it for yourself.
When I think of Tough Love, I tend to wonder how can you be tough on someone you truly love? It isn’t easy to not want to help those you care about and watch them struggle when you have the means to help. How do you help them without actually enabling them?
Think about our kids and how we tend to want the best for them. If we continuously give to them without any expectations they aren’t able to learn how to fend for themselves. Now if we decide to teach them how to achieve their own goals we then give them the tools they need to succeed in life away from us. As parents we learned that we aren’t perfect ourselves but we want to give to our children what we didn’t have. In doing this there are times that we actually hurt them more than help them. If you can honestly say you have guided your children and given them the proper tools and they still choose the wrong path then it is definitely time to step back and let them figure things out for themselves. However, if you have only expected them to grow up and not shown by example how are they truly supposed to learn. Children are followers until they are shown how to be leaders. By first showing unconditional love, they still know they are loved when you are forced to implement tough love.
This same philosophy goes for those around us. If we continue to tell them what they want to hear instead of what they need to hear, how are they going to grow and better themselves when they are perpetuating the same behaviors over and over. Tough love isn’t easy but again when your friends and family know you love them unconditionally, they will know you only say what you say out of the kindness of your heart.
Just remember that in order to implement Tough Love, you first have to show Unconditional Love. Otherwise you are just being selfish and controlling and that doesn’t teach anyone anything positive in the end.
When you live a Positive Life, it is not Black or White. There are many many shades of Grey. You can’t force everyone to see things exactly the same and say you are living a Positive Life. Positivity is varying shades for each of us. Absolutes create Negativity because that is requiring everyone around us to think exactly the same and that is not positive at all. By opening your heart and mind to all the possibilities you encourage yourself to expand your limits and you are able to see things from other angles that you may have missed previously. Don’t be afraid of change and allow yourself to witness the world from the view of those around you. See the Greys of Positivity and open the doors of possibilities.
Yes Garfield, you are so right on…Lol! It’s all about your outlook. The more you call yourself flawed, in anyway, the negativity sets in and makes it that much more difficult to address the problem. Find your positive and remember you are beautiful inside and then you can let the positivity shine outward. Tell yourself when you have your “Winter Coat” on and it’s not wanting to be shed, that you are just too short for your weight. Stand tall and see yourself how you want yourself and make it happen.
We need to Learn from our Past, but not Live by It. Reflect on what you’ve been through and learn from the events good and bad. When you dwell on the past and continue to relive it over and over you continue to repeat the cycle unintentionally. It becomes habit and you have to break those bad habits to achieve your intended future. Remember how we are taught new things it is often by repetition, so if you are repeatedly making the same unhealthy choices you are going to teach yourself that is how things are to be. Break the cycle and acknowledge those bad habits and break them now. Learn from It, Now Live Life in the Positive.
Get ready for it…
I’m working to take VixTalks to Video. I will be giving advice to letters I receive here on my AskVix Page, Facebook, email and of course Live!!
Need a Pep Talk?
Need Motivation to take life to the next level?
Have questions about Special Needs Advocacy?
Have relationship questions?
Want to expand your sex life?
Just need a friend’s advice about everyday life?
I’m ready to “Talk,” so bring on the questions and we’ll take them Live or if you prefer, in private messages. Let’s have fun and find that Positivity and Inspiration we all need. HUGS ~Vix~
As we age some of us feel as though we are only getting older. I believe when bottled properly and if rotated and cared for internally we all can age like a fine wine. Getting better with every year. It is only when we are left unattended and in undesirable storage, we become bitter like vinegar. Take care of what’s inside the bottle as well as the bottle itself. 😉
I am asked quite often if I am a religious person. I am spiritual more than religious. I believe I have a reason for being here and there is a higher guiding force that I have no concept truly of. I know that things happen in our lives that we have no control of and we need to learn from them, the good and the not so good. We all have our own ways of acknowledging this force and I will never tell you or anyone else what the best way to live your life is for you. I believe that my thoughts are heard and that if I take the time to actually listen, then they are guided and often answered. You may call this prayer but whatever label you put on it it is my way. I know that I am heard regardless off being in a specific building with others listening to people who have words of wisdom to share regularly. What is spoken is up to you to translate. Every person in that building can hear the exact same words but each take away a little different meaning.
Don’t judge others for their beliefs. We all process things differently and if organized religion is your way to tap into your higher force, you have my support and encouragement. All I ask in return is that you respect my choice to believe that my higher power hears me just as well as yours. I can be out in nature at the river or the ocean or just sitting in my room and if I take the time to ask for guidance and then wait and listen for the answer,I will get it. It may not be immediate but it will happen.
This topic was prompted by a conversation that my girlfriend and I were having the other night. We hear about men having blue balls when they get worked up sexually and then are not given an outlet to relieve themselves right? Is this really something that only happens to men? I really don’t believe it is. I think women get what I guess I will call “Red Ovaries” as we get hot and ready to explode. Urban Dictionary calls it “The Blue Bean”:)
I mean come on now, I know some females that are passionate and get aroused the same as men and it may not be “painful” like the pressure in a man’s testicles but let me tell you from experience that if a woman gets herself really worked up it is painful and very emotional. Haha Those women that actually allow themselves to enjoy the release of an orgasm who are brought right to the edge and not given the release, I have witnessed that it is very emotional and can even be painful in I am sure a different way.
I am no doctor so I am not sure what the medical reason is but I thought it was kind of interesting when my girlfriend and I were talking and she made a comment that she gets left hot and bothered like a male and I realized it wasn’t just my inner Vixen, it is other women as well. This is not only the “The Blue Bean” as described in Urban Dictionary cause that is only over stimulation of the clitoris without release, which in itself is damn painful. The feeling I am referring to is actually internal in the area of the Ovaries hence “Red Ovaries!”
So, guys it’s not just you, sorry!! You just are more visual than we are so you get worked up a bit easier than we do. You have to take the time to stimulate our minds and our bodies. When you do…Oh My!!!
Have you taken time recently to listen to your inner voice? I believe we all have the power within us to solve problems that are thrown our way but we often allow pride, or guilt or stubbornness to get in the way of finding our answers.
Not all the answers are what we think we want to hear either. I have started to trust my instincts, or what I call my Inner Voice, much more these das. In doing so I feel so much more at peace. I am not saying it is perfect cause hey I still second guess myself, but more times than not when I do the outcome is not the best one.
I recently listened to the book, “Writing Down Your Soul: How to Activate and Listen to the Extraordinary Voice Within” by Janet Conner. I was overwhelmed at times during the book how much of what she was saying in the book is the practice I had learned to do with my blog. She recommends writing daily but that is more in Journal format. I have done similar work with writing thoughts I have inside me on this blog and I am amazed at time when I surrender myself to the words how easily they come. At times I am not sure where the words are truly coming from.
Open yourself up to You Own Inner Voice and see what they have been trying to tell you. You may be amazed like I was on the insight you have buried and often blocked inside you. We are all created equal so we all have these gifts that sometimes we just have to allow ourselves to accept.
This one is for my fellow Control Freaks of the World…We have to STOP trying to Control The World and focus on Controlling Ourselves. By having to be in control at all times we sabotage our futures. We have to learn to let things work out as they are intended and not have to make them happen. I have had some experiences lately that have opened my eyes to this and I may have sabotaged some potentially great things for my future by doing it. All I can do now is take these experiences and learn from them and in return share this knowledge with you. Having the world in the palm of our hand is not the same as controlling it. We need to focus our minds on what it is we truly desire and allow that to happen and not force it to happen. Key here is to “Allow” your future!!
When it comes to relationships I think sometimes we want someone to like us so badly, we become something completely opposite of who we are. Then what we often realize is, we run that person off because we are now not who that person was initially attracted to. Once you cross that line it is very hard to take that back. All we can do is take a step back, look at what has happened and learn from that and say to ourself, “I am me and I need to stop trying so hard to make things happen. You are not always able to control the outcome. Accept that and enjoy the ride. No matter how quick or slow it is.” I hope that by acknowledging the mistake you can resurrect the real you and remember in the future that you can not Control The World…You Can Only Control Yourself!!
The definition of a “Muse” is a woman, or a force personified as a woman, who is the source of inspiration. Being an inspiration is something that comes as a gift to some. Often a muse doesn’t even realize how they do what they do but it is appreciated at times none the less. Some people miss out on the gift of being around this person but those who embrace it and allow it are rewarded in the end.
A muse is not meant to be in your life forever. They are meant to be put in your life to assist with a tough time or a block in your life. They can in time become a great friend but you will need to take control of what they show you and allow them to just be there to guide from time to time. A true muse will only help as long as you are open to their gift. Open your eyes and your heart to what these people are here to help you through in the moment but be ready to be strong enough in time to take control of your life and allow them to just enjoy the rewards along side you or move on to help those who need them more than you do now.
This is potentially going to stir this pot and start some debate but I have been thinking about this a lot with all the controversy of the 50 Shades of Grey books and now the very soft version(in my opinion) of the book in movie form.
As a society we seem to judge people who enjoy for their sexual preferences and I fail to see how another person’s likes and dislikes in their private lives has anything to do with us as long as no one is getting really hurt in the process. We fail to remember at times that these acts are primarily between two consenting adults that go into these relationships of their own free will.
I have heard many people criticizing the books and saying that people should boycott the film and donate the money to battered women’s shelters instead. Explain to me how this story line is about a battered woman. The female character in the story is given all the details of his likes and chooses to stay with him. He never abuses her and when he does spank her, it is when she asks him too. Does he get overzealous? A certain amount of pain during sex can be erotic and that a known fact. If it is not for you then it’s not for you.
If people would consider the psychology of this story instead of focusing on the BDSM they would actually realize that this man was a survivor of a tortured childhood and this lifestyle became his coping mechanism and when the time came that he met a woman that he truly falls in love with he starts to change over the course of a short amount of time. How do you see that as a negative? I choose to see that if in less than 6 months this man goes from never having a healthy relationship and can’t even sleep in the same bed as a women to giving himself to this woman and being open to exploring the intimacy of making love and being touched as being a tribute to the power of true love. Is this man controlling and passionate? Absolutely he is but with time he learns to trust and communicate. I know many Counselors who haven’t seen that much progress in therapy in that short amount of time.
All I am trying to do with this post is open your eyes just bit to how abuse does damage to the pyre and we all handle that differently. Sometimes it begins very unhealthy but over time it could be very positive. Maybe I relate to his character in some way so I see it from a different view but I hated the character in the first book because I didn’t really understand where the rage was stemming from, then with book 2 and then 3 I was able to relate and sympathize with the character. This story is fictional but I think maybe if you read it from a different mindset you may see it a little less aggressive. Just consider it and tell me what you think.
I am open to the comments but be prepared for debate. We may need to agree to disagree!
Recently I came to a realization I have at least 3 sides of me and have learned to embrace them individually. There’s Vicklyn who is the Intellectual, Vixen is the Adventurous/Sensual, and then there is Vix. Vix is the one that keeps the other two in check. She keeps the peace and analyzes situations to determine which of the other two is best to handle a situation.
If we all learn to embrace all sides of ourselves and learn to pull from the strengths of each when required we are very powerful. Learn your strengths and your weaknesses. Don’t be afraid to open yourself to all the possibilities of YOU. Remember to feed all sides of YOU and they will work together to make YOU, the Perfect YOU. 🙂
Ever feel like you are swimming upstream against the current? We all have those times in our lives but the key is to keep swimming and keeping your eyes open for those calm areas in the river of life that you can rest a bit before you continue your journey. Never forget the fight is worth the reward of meeting your destination. The struggles, will in time, strengthen you.
When you take pride in yourself you take pride in those around you. It all starts by looking in the mirror and deciding if you are truly proud of the person you see. Pride is something that starts within you. You can’t control anyone but yourself, be proud of your actions and those around you will see the pride. ~Vix~
Our Roots are what keeps us grounded or makes us vulnerable. It is up to you if baring them is going to strengthen you or if it will become a weakness. You can dig deeper and search for your strength down deep inside or you can a can just sit back and watch them wither and get weak. What do you choose?